What does it mean to feel your feelings and be with them?
Hold them as if it is not too much for you.
As if there is a tiny lake surrounded by beautiful woods and valleys.
I want my feelings, to feel this way.
Like a lake surrounded by a forest.
I don’t like to feel like the ocean.
I don’t like waves.
Or emotions that feel infinite.
I feel lost then.
Like I have forgotten how to swim.
It has felt like that the last couple of months.
Lately it has been an ocean of a life.
I must find my way to the lake.
But how do you even build a forest around the ocean?
How do you even make trees?
Trees that can grow around your water.
First, I must believe that I can surround my own sadness.
Like the woods contain the lake.
When I feel like crying and this overwhelming emotion wants to flood my mind I just look for my first tree, not the whole forest.
My first tree is so meaningful.
Because when I find it.
I feel like I can find all the other trees.
Finding the first tree though is not easy.
I had to make one from scratch while at the same time trying not to drown inside the ocean. So I went looking within.
For a place where I felt strong.
I looked around myself and wondered which part of me could make the first tree.
At first I could not find anywhere.
My chest area was flooded with emotion.
My back was stiff and hurting.
My legs were ok but they were being used for the road ahead.
My heart did try to make a tree, but started to cry even more.
My hands were a possibility but they had been so busy keeping me afloat, that if I had to ask them to make me a tree the waves would just take me under.
My head, at this point was my only option.
But not the best one.
A logical tree also meant a tree that would not go anywhere near an ocean.
I needed a place within me that was bold and willing.
There was one place. I didn’t think of going.
Because I needed that part of me to be looking ahead.
My eyes have sight.
And you might be wondering how can sight make a tree.
Or twelve trees going around the ocean of feelings.
But my sight was the only place a tree could be born.
I had to see my ocean as a lake surrounded by beautiful woods.
All of a sudden, I didn’t just see a tree growing, but all the trees I needed.
And I needed a lot of them.
My ocean of emotions was infinite.
Thousands of trees needed to contain me.
And there they were.
Seen by my eyes.
Surrounding my ocean.
I saw beautiful trees growing fast and furious.
Protecting me from the overwhelming nature of my feelings.
I saw then everything as if it had always been there.
My ocean was not an ocean.
But a very big lake with the most beautiful trees.
In that moment I knew I had always been able to save myself.
In the seeing of my lake within the deep forest I felt a capacity I had never known before.
A capacity to overcome.
A capacity for seeing containers, making trees and making big glorious lakes in the wilderness of life.
I have felt like drowning more times that I can count and found myself at the shore.
I have been thrown by the biggest waves when all of a sudden calmness was found.
Maybe in every one of us there lives the capacity to make trees where trees cannot be made.
With many trees for me and for you,