I hide inside moments.
I literally hide there.
I am so afraid of change.
Whenever something new is on its way to me, I hide inside time.
Do you know why I created the Life Reentry® work?
Because I needed it to get myself out of all the hiding I was doing.
I am the master hider.
The master waiting room resident.
It’s not even that I am stuck but I like to hide from life, from big things, from new things.
I still do.
But I realized lately that I can’t be so afraid anymore.
Hiding is a luxury I can no longer afford.
Fear is something I must start to reject. (Click to Tweet!)
I used to shake like a leaf when I would step on stage.
I hated myself for saying yes to such big responsibilities and dreams.
“What were you thinking?”
“You should have been hiding Christina.”
“I know, I know. I will hide better next time.”
Next time I hid so well, I didn’t even know I was hiding.
That is how I became masterful at it.
Oh you have no idea how deceiving is my own waiting room.
It has a whole life in it.
The life inside the waiting room has me living an overweight life, a life inside possibly 2 miles radius.
It is a life but not my life.
Not the life my destiny has chosen for me.
I am furious with myself for letting fear guide me inside of it all, even as I was climbing out.
I was being ushered back in.
Willingly. Yes.
I let my fears take the lead.
I didn’t try to stop them.
Well, no more.
I have learned that fear will occupy your brain like a drug addict.
I realized that hiding is not for the living. I was killing myself and didn’t know it.
I saw how easy it is to choose the wrong things.
It is almost automatic.
The wrong snack.
The silly use of time.
The lack of movement.
The stagnation.
At first it is a choice, but very quickly it becomes a default setting.
Getting out of that is almost impossible.
People have died there, inside the default.
The waiting room. The not living.
This letter is for you if you have been afraid, in hiding and in a default setting you don’t even remember choosing.
And do you know when it all starts?
When our heart has been so badly broken that hiding is a life savior.
We think it is.
And when we realize it never was, it is too late.
Yesterday it was Bjarne’s 47th birthday.
He only made it to his 35th.
He would have been furious with me if he knew that I chose moments with no life in them. That I chose to hide instead of flying.
No more.
“Come to the edge,” he said.
“We can’t, we’re afraid!” they responded.
“Come to the edge,” he said.
“We can’t, We will fall!” they responded.
“Come to the edge,” he said.
And so they came.
And he pushed them.
And they flew.” ― Guillaume Apollinaire
May we fly.
Christina,
PS. Order the Where Did You Go? book here: https://www.amazon.com/Where-Did-You-Go-Life-Changing/dp/0062689622