Someone said to me the other day.
Christina, you must have not moved on.
You are still writing about your loss.
I have to tell you my first response was to shake my head and dismiss it.
As it is such an untruth.
But soon after, I realized how unfair it is to dismiss it, especially since some people only see the blogs.
And even then, it may not be enough.
Before I begin, I must tell you that it took a decade to get here.
I hope it takes you less.
I wish I had someone to tell me what I am about to.
I don’t think its OK to suffer forever.
And It breaks my heart when people do.
It is not that I am not OK with mourning. I am.
We need to mourn.
But, there comes a time when long term grief can lead to depression, suicide and unnecessary hurt.
As you know I call that place the Waiting Room.
When we are there for what it feels like an eternity, it is not OK.
Especially since there are so many tools and resources to help us.
For me, the way out of that eternal feeling of grief came first with the understanding of how to use my brain to heal my life.
I had to make it bring me back to living.
I had to redefine what it means to be whole again.
It took me years.
I never thought it was OK for me and my kids to be in this horrible pain.
During those years I felt cold inside.
Even when I was falling in love.
It was freezing.
The freeze was there even longer than my grief.
Alongside anger, bitterness, fear, depression and confusion.
Most people think it’s grief that outlasts all of the above.
But that is not true.
So to the person who thought I was still grieving, a better statement would have been.
You still seem furious about what happened to you.
You bet I do sister.
Of course I am furious about the tragedies of my life.
And you could have also said to me, you still seem afraid about some things.
Oh yes, I have never recovered completely in regards to trauma and PTSD.
Sure, girlfriend. Yup.
And the confusion. YES.
The confusion about the seeming permanence of mortality lead me to writing Where Did You Go?
I had to find out what happened to him after he died.
I then had to find a way to understand the place he had gone to.
So I started to experiment with entering and exiting my world.
I called these experiences Temple Journeys.
I had to know first hand what science, physics, and religion were all talking about.
I spent the remaining few years taking care of both my physical and non-physical life.
And sister, I have to tell you that when you travel to the places I have been, it changes you.
Words like “Have you moved on?” and “Are you still grieving?” no longer have relevance to my life.
I am sorry sister, but I want you to really understand this place I am trying to take you.
I want you there too.
You see, love never dies.
It transcends time and space.
I had to learn how to transcend.
I had to remember my non-physical self.
I had to work on both my life here and there.
So when you ask me if I have moved on,
I giggle a little.
From where? To where?
Darling, I have travelled across many universes.
Moved in and out of dimensions.
But I have never moved on from love.
Finding my way to a deathless life.
Where we never lose anyone.
Where everything is possible.
So, sister come along with me.
Come live a life of wonder and miracles of the seen and the unseen world.
One day you will understand that death is but a doorway to another beginning, another life, another adventure.
Yes, we must mourn.
We must grieve.
But then we must seek the truth and live as if everything is as it should be and this, this sister is one of the many adventures we get to have together.
We meet in many lives and many embraces.
Physical loss is an evolutionary experience.
One day we will all learn that love is the thread between the seen and the unseen.
With many journeys,
PS. I did an amazing interview with NPR New Dimensions Radio. It is free until April 9th.
Click play on the link here and take me with you on the road.
P.S. JOIN ME FOR THE TEMPLE JOURNEY: A LIFE AFTER DEATH. REGISTER HERE: https://www.1440.org/programs/faculty-led-programs/personal-growth/self-discovery/temple-journey