I was trying to explain how I feel to someone new in my life.
She seemed lost.
I could see it in her eyes, she just stared at me in silence.
She was struggling. Trying to understand me.
Attempting to respond with the right words.
She was failing, for me and for her.
And it hit me.
When you meet someone new, what can you really say that could capture who you are now?
You are many selves.
The old self, the current transitional self, and the future self are all overlapping.
You are also occupying many lives.
Your past, present and future life.
It’s like you can jump from one world to another in one sentence and they can’t catch up.
Sure you can slow it down for them.
Sure you can tone it down by talking about one world at a time.
But it will feel as if you are sharing only a small part of you.
Your conversations will fall flat.
And this is why it feels so lonely after loss.
You see, your loss has added multiple inner worlds and you live in them simultaneously.
So you go out every day thinking everyone else also lives in many worlds.
And they don’t.
They don’t know how to travel with you.
It took me many years to understand what the empty look I got from others was all about.
They are not judging.
They are not hating.
They are just trying to understand what we are telling them.
And they can’t catch up sometimes.
Not because we are smarter than them, but because we are no longer living in a linear way. You jump outside of time and space a hundred times a day after loss.
You go in your memories.
Then you go into all the possible futures.
Then you come back in your present.
And you do all of this fast.
The saying, ‘Catch me if you can.’ takes a whole other meaning for people like us.
With many worlds,
I hope you come and spend a weekend with me in Northern California so we can travel outside of time and space together. REGISTER HERE: https://www.1440.org/programs/faculty-led-programs/personal-growth/self-discovery/temple-journey