It is the future that we are afraid of the most, when someone we love dies.
We are afraid of tomorrow.
Tomorrow becomes the most scary monster of all.
You see, grief owns a big mansion inside your tomorrow.
She has three pool houses.
A few gardeners, boats and fancy cars.
And is sending you invitations to her big house every day.
She has this smirk on her face while she is inviting you.
Knowing that you have no choice but to visit her on her tomorrowland.
And you tremble and crumble.
You weaken and perish.
The big mansion feels like the house of horrors.
You try everything you can to not visit, but it is impossible.
Tomorrow comes and there you are standing in front of the big door.
You don’t even have to ring the bell.
Grief opens the door and rolls out a big red carpet for you.
“Welcome to your tomorrow.” she says.
Showing her ultra white front teeth.
“Come on now, don’t just stand there.
Come on in and let me show you around.” she continues and puts her arm around you seemingly gently pushing you in.
The door closes and you are being ushered to the kitchen.
“Here, why don’t you sit here all day long?” Grief says and points at an old chair next to the table facing the window.
“Don’t worry about the dishes and the empty fridge, you won’t need much here.” she says and is on her way to the other side of the table, pulling up a chair for herself.
“Tomorrow will be here before you know it, and maybe we can spend it in the bedroom.” she says and smiles with a frozen smile.
As soon as she says the word tomorrow, you feel nauseous.
You wish you could lie down.
“Yes, don’t worry.” Grief says as if she could read your mind.
“The bedroom windows have blinds so you won’t have to see the light at all. We can head up there now if you want.”
At that moment you remember all the many yesterdays you had in this kitchen and in that bedroom buried under the sheets.
And this is what you do next that surprises her. And you.
You leave the kitchen and walk outside.
She gets up and runs behind you. Yelling.
“But this is not what normally happens when you get here in the morning. We stay in the kitchen then go to the bedroom.” she says. She is losing her words a little.
“Yes I know.” You respond surprised with yourself a little.
“I just felt like I needed some fresh air today. I haven’t tended to the garden since he died. I miss it.” you say and walk towards the part of the garden that has roses.
You used to take care of them.
You would put the big rocking chair right next to them and read your book.
You missed it.
Yes, the bedroom is calling your name from upstairs.
And for the first time when grief mentions tomorrow to you again, there is a moment where you don’t feel as scared anymore.
You may even drive the big car that’s been waiting to take you for a ride all this time.
And of course you know grief will try to drive you, but let’s worry about that then.
For now, the rose garden is waiting for you for some love and care.
And as you can tell grief is besides herself trying to find a way to sit next to those roses, but the sun is blinding so she turns around and walks back in.
Watching you from that window.
Counting the minutes for your return.
Thinking that tomorrow will be scary enough to keep you inside the house. Once again.
But for now, well for now you don’t have to worry about that.
You won your today.
The sun chased grief away.
And the rose bush garden is blooming again.
And did I mention the car outside of tomorrowland is a bright red?
Grief doesn’t like colors, so you do have a shot at driving.
With many reclaimed tomorrows. And cars with all the colors of the rainbow,
Christina
P.S. I hope you are listening to the Dear Life Podcast.
PPS. And you have registered for the Temple World Weekend event.