I don’t think others know.
They can’t see the depth.
It is the shock we feel when we visit the Grand Canyon for the first time.
You can’t imagine it unless you see it.
Grief is the same way.
Can’t even begin to describe how big it is.
You and I carry the Grand Canyon inside of us.
It is born when someone we love dies.
The physical world can’t quite grasp the infinite depths of grief.
I know. I know that I am walking around with miles of Canyon.
When I look at someone I see them with a thousand points of view.
From all the corners of the Canyon.
When I visit a new place, my millions of miles fill up every space.
I walk inside a room and the space moves inside the Canyon.
Who I became after the loss of my husband is not just another person, I became something completely different.
My body can’t carry me anymore.
I spilled out inside the universe.
Grief is not a human experience.
It can’t be described with language.
Or with sadness.
But expansion beyond the physical world is what it truly is.
Depression sets in because we try to stay within the physical parameters of our life before it.
We try to live as if the Grand Canyon didn’t just move in.
This has to change.
You have to know what really happened to you.
You spilled out of yourself in a million pieces.
You tried to get all the pieces back inside your body.
And every time you tried you hit rock bottom.
Do you know why?
Because you are not supposed to put all these pieces back together.
They belong to the Grand Canyon and now you are it.
You are it.
You have to learn to live your life from its vastness.
Allowing the Canyon self to do what it needs to do, will save your life.
It will move depression out.
It will help you understand everything.
It will keep you sane inside the insanity of your physical self.
It will teach you to see with all of your eyes.
A new world. Beyond what schools, books, teachers, people can teach you.
And when your last name becomes Canyon you will find a way to give your name to them too.
With eyes everywhere,
P.S. Listen to my podcast conversation with Bryan C. Taylor, his Grand Canyon is beyond words.
PPS. Two months left before our weekend together, register here: https://www.1440.org/programs/faculty-led-programs/personal-growth/self-discovery/temple-journey