Before Bjarne passed I used to be very social.
Big dinner parties at my house.
Hanging out with many friends.
Phone calls for lengthy conversations.
I always had friends to talk to.
But after the devastation of losing him I experienced what I called a duality.
My inner world changed so dramatically and my outer world could no longer match it.
The difference between what I was experiencing and what the world thought I was experiencing, was vast.
It wasn’t anyone’s fault.
I was being separated from everyone by grief.
Slowly I found myself not only devastatingly sad, but deeply lonely.
That is when I started to learn how to solo process my grief.
I got really good at crying alone, surviving alone and also befriending myself.
I created a whole new inner world to live in.
And writing was part of that world.
People always assume I was always a writer. But I wasn’t.
I became one to understand myself.
Grief is a multi layered experience and I could not get to a deeper level in my conversations with the people in my life.
So I had to become the other person.
I had to give birth to a second Christina. A twin imaginary friend.
The two of us started to go deeper and deeper.
Analyze what was happening each day.
Brainstorming solutions. Reading the books.
Learning the new landscape of life.
And I don’t regret it. I saved myself.
I know you have also saved yourself.
But I do hope we do find our way back to deep and trusting friendships again.
It is not fun not to be known by others.
It is not fun not to be seen for who you really are.
There is healing in that, the kind of healing you cannot give to yourself.
With many imaginary friends,
P.S. Finally registration is open for my next Life Reentry class.
We start March 30th. Register HERE: https://lifereentry.com/life-reentry-class/