Live. Life. Here. Now. Repeat.

March 15, 2019

I have spent so many years thinking about loss and trying to get back to life that I never really thought about my own mortality. I know it’s strange. Almost comical. One would think that I would be thinking about it all the time. After all, I write about life and death. Of course my thoughts should go towards mortality and my very own passing. But did you notice something? I write about life after loss, and life after death. I skip it. Every time. But a few weeks ago I started to feel like I haven’t lived enough. I missed things. It’s actually hard to put it into words. You see, I am used to change happening always after a sudden life event. Never without a cause. But there was no sudden event that was taking place when I started to think about my mortality. It was as if something came and hit me over the head. And right there everything came to a big realization. I got to start living my life as if I am the one who is dying. Because if I had been doing that, my life would look so different. GASP. What would I keep? I would keep the writing. You are my longest love affair. What would I change? I would add space everywhere. The only time I would run, it would be for fitness. (Smiley face) All other times, I would slow things down. I would be a traveler. I thought about all the places I haven’t seen. Oh my world, they are so many. Then I thought about all the people I haven’t met. The paintings I have not painted. The stories I have not written. And I wanted to start all at once. And I did. Once I walked into my own mortality I felt so alive that I saw all the moments I wasn’t. (Click to tweet!) One thing is for sure. My life will end one day and I would regret not saving some of it for me. I used to say, I missed my 30s, grieving. And I nearly missed my 40s rebuilding. In a few weeks I am turning 47, and I want to spend the end of this decade and the beginning of the next one just living. Preferably in the moment. So next time you see me teaching somewhere you will notice the sparkle. Not that it was not there before. But this type of sparkle is like the sun hiding behind my eyes. It’s what happens when somehow we find a way to be here, now. The whole universe lives inside the present moment and we miss it by trying to build the next one. With life, Christina P.S. JOIN ME FOR THE TEMPLE JOURNEY: A LIFE AFTER DEATH. REGISTER HERE: https://www.1440.org/programs/faculty-led-programs/personal-growth/self-discovery/temple-journey PPS. If you are reading WHERE DID YOU GO? Make sure you come find our private facebook group. The link is here and also in the resources section of the book. We are doing a live journey on Sunday.

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An Old Bag That Was Left In The Attic

March 8, 2019

Lately I have been loving life more. I am putting my arms around her, every second of the day. I tell her about my feelings. And never let go. I haven’t felt like this since 2003. Oh I know. I know, it’s been a while. It’s been since the week he was diagnosed. I stopped loving life then. The air was taken from my lungs. The water out of my body. And even though I thought I had found a way to put it back in. There was no real air or water, just impostors. Impostors called, work and speed with some life in the mix. Until a few weeks ago. I was so used to carrying the heavy things, that I forgot that I was carrying them. I was so used to life being hard that I had forgotten that it could be easy. It was almost as if I forgot I was alive. And now, today, this moment, I can even feel my fingertips typing this to you. I sense your presence reading this letter. I am listening to the soundtrack of The Notebook. And everything has completely slowed down. My heart started to feel deep things again. So here is what I learned. Life Reentry has many levels. The most life infused levels take a long time to get to. It is as if I just entered a different stage of living after loss. How does this Life Reentry look like? It looks like I have time to take it all in again. To stretch moments out so they feel like eternity. To love everyone without fear of losing them. The load fell off and is now in many pieces laying on the ground. I looked down to see what I was carrying all these years and it was as if I found the contents of an old bag that was left in the attic. (Click to tweet!) They had lost their significance. They didn’t even look like they belonged to me. The load had expired a long time ago and I did not know. Did I lose time? Yes, I did. Should I have dropped the load a long time ago? Yes I should have. But..no regrets. My long road load carrying has helped so many people along the way. And for that I am grateful. Now, I hope that the way I put my arms around life will also inspire you. Help you to drop your load also, and never look back. With life wrapped around me, Christina P.S. JOIN ME FOR THE TEMPLE JOURNEY: A LIFE AFTER DEATH. REGISTER HERE: https://www.1440.org/programs/faculty-led-programs/personal-growth/self-discovery/temple-journey

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You Will Always Be Alive

March 1, 2019

You may ask What does grief have to do with physics? What does it have to do with science? I mean, come on Christina. My heart is broken. Shattered. And you are talking about particles and atoms. Other dimensions. The Universe.   Have you lost your mind? What about the real things? What about the Bible? My lonely nights, sleeping in an empty bed. Did you know I wake up and I don’t want to be alive anymore? I don’t even want to leave my house and go to work. I can’t take care of my kids. Why are you trying to turn things upside down? Aren’t we already confused? Go back and talk about real things I can understand. I can do something with. Do you see my point? I see dear friend, I see it. And I was where you are. I was screaming and yelling at night. And if someone told me that death is not real, that we are always alive and that we can even make new memories with someone we lost, I would have thrown them out of my house. I would have told them that they are crazy. That I believe in a God that is biblical only. That the so called Afterlife is for those who are desperate to believe. But before you stop reading let me say this to you. What you get to see in these words is a glimpse of a world that is much more kind and beautiful and above all, timeless. This world still holds all the people we lost. And if that is true then the bed at night is a little different. Daily chores may have a little bit of stardust on them. Grief doesn’t have to last forever. Just love. And we spend more time opening the door to a bigger reality vs. a tiny one. And just like one of my favorite scientists says which I also share in my new book Where Did You Go? “Time doesn’t exist...it’s simply impossible to go anywhere. You will always be alive. At death, we finally reach the imagined borders of ourselves.” Robert Lanza (Click to tweet!) With no time, Christina P.S. I do hope Where Did You Go? Has found its way to you.

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Is Your Sadness Called Eiffel or Ocean?

February 22, 2019

I realized lately that we have two different types of sadness. Both are hard. But one of them is deeply hidden. Even for the smartest, most aware and strong people. I guess, especially for them. And because of that, it is the most dangerous one. Finding the source of this kind of sadness can be a very complex endeavor. Most people can’t figure out what makes them deeply sad, for so long. Especially sadness that is hidden. Under rocks and inside oceans. So far down that it moves the water...under the water. A systemic sadness can linger under surface. Forever. For never to be seen. I had this type of sadness. And I dismissed it because I have had sadness that brings waves to the surface as tall as the Eiffel Tower. “Surely” I said to myself “the Eiffel sadness is more real than the deep ocean one.” But I learned something lately. Both could wipe you out. Ocean sadness takes you slowly. Eiffel sadness instantly. I had become such an expert on Eiffel that when I experienced the ocean sadness I was able to be with it and still live fully. My skills of the Eiffel had made me so good at the deep ocean. I had more time to tend to it. It felt like I could be in charge of it. And I was. I really was. Until one day the deep ocean sadness rose so high up that it started to feel like Eiffel. It could no longer stay in deep waters. I knew then I had to do something. And I maneuvered everything in my life. So I could save it. I am here today to ask you, is your sadness the ocean type too? How can you tell? Even if your sadness started as an Eiffel due to a traumatic event, when it never goes away and you learn to live with it, it becomes the deep ocean sadness. Do not overlook this type of sadness. It can be very dangerous because we don’t see its height. Its strength. And for those of you who never had the Eiffel, you can have the deep ocean one without a big traumatic event in your life. So don’t you dismiss it. This is how we lose people. We lose strong beautiful people when they underestimate the deep ocean systemic form of sadness. Rule number one. Remove anything in your life that makes you feel like you are about to lose your mind. If you feel that, know it is not your imagination. You are not over-reacting. This is your soul trying to save your life. Listen.  (Click to tweet!) With so much listening, Christina P.S. Watch my new interview with my friend Allison Maslan here: Video: https://bit.ly/2txIwQX Podcast: https://apple.co/2EoGyIS

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