I think magic is real.
More real than your table.
The chair. Your coffee too.
Miracles are real too.
Science proves it.
Religion talks about it.
Sometimes loss takes away our belief in miracles.
It tells us that the only real things are the things we can see.
Everything else must not exist.
Since it cannot be seen.
I still think magic is real even though it doesn’t look like a table or chair.
Or house. Or trees.
I also think we don’t die.
That life is a miracle and that is born from consciousness. Universe. God.
But how would that help you when you are all alone at night?
When you lost someone you loved from this life?
How would that help you?
You may ask, if miracles are real how come they don’t take my pain away?
And that is a fair question.
I have asked it myself.
If miracles were real maybe they could bring our people back.
Cure the sick.
Stop accidents from happening.
Bring peace and end wars.
But here is what I learned in the process of writing my next book.
Miracles are as real as you are.
And we will believe in them more and more.
We will start to believe in cures. Spontaneous remissions.
Self healing. Synchronicity. Eternity even.
And when we do believe, that what is seen is not all there is we would bring forth a different physical reality.
One that allows for a life that is bigger than tables, chairs and houses.
Bigger than loving each other only when we are inside our physical body.
Today I am asking you to believe in miracles as much as you believe in your dining room table being real.
I know that’s a lot to ask.
I know that the dining room table looks more real than the energy that is around it.
Than healing powers.
Than souls with no physical bodies.
Than other dimensions. Than the universe.
In my humble opinion, when we go through something tragic we can never look at life the way we used to. Like, never. Ever.
So let’s try something together, right here.
Just for a moment stop reading this letter and look around you.
As you do that, look at the space between the wall across from you and you.
Did you know that the empty space between you and the wall is not empty?
That the invisible part of our reality is as real as you and I?
Don’t let anyone tell you that life is all that you see.
Life is so much more than that.
All the miracles live in the unseen and in the seeing of it.
And one more thing.
Just because we can’t see the people we lost, it doesn’t mean that they are not there. (Click to Tweet!)
With seeing everything,
P.S. Early registration for the Life Reentry class ends on the 15th register here.
PPS. We are also registering for the practitioner training apply here.
‘The Life we live, is the lesson we teach’
my friend Jim Kwik mentioned in one of his writings.
I read it just before I was going to sit down and write to you.
And it hit me.
The life I live. Is the lesson I teach.
Thank you Jim, for putting it so simply.
As it allowed me to come clean with myself.
And you might be wondering, what does this have to do with loss? Everything.
I am doing another reentry for myself. This one will be the hardest.
Living life true to my feelings at all cost is not easy. It is one of the hardest things I will ever have to do. But I owe it to all the people who have died. To the people who wished they were still here. (Click to Tweet!)
I owe it to Bjarne. My first husband.
To my firstborn who never made it.
To my grandparents.
To personal friends who died young.
And I know, you owe it to your people too. The people you lost.
This next reentry to life will be brutally honest.
The first thing I do is ask myself this one question.
What lie do I tell myself every day?
I lie about how happy I am.
I lie about that a lot.
I am calling myself out this year.
Stopping the lies about the everyday things.
The lies about what I love to do.
Who I really am.
The lies about the foods I eat.
The things I say.
The way I think.
The people I like. And those I don’t.
How I want to be loved. Seen.
And the biggest lie of all is that there will always be a tomorrow.
As you and I know, tomorrow is not guaranteed.
Now is your turn.
What is your truth and what lie have you been telling yourself instead?
With a lot of truth,
P.S. Next Life Reentry class starts in the end of the month. Register early here.
One thing is for sure. It will be a six week journey towards the most true life reentry ever. For myself. And for the hundreds of people who are joining. No more lies after loss.
I am approaching the next year with sadness.
But not the type of sadness that can be labeled.
Not the type of sadness that most therapists would call depression.
It is not like that.
I know your sadness is not like that, either.
The type of sadness that I feel is not easily articulated in human words.
It feels like my whole body is crying. Not just my eyes.
It starts with being tired.
With the clock starting over again each morning.
With the fact that there is no break.
No wins between one day and the next.
Nobody is saying bravo for doing your best.
There is no candy hanging from the alarm clock.
Just you and another day asking for your striving. For your very best self.
Without anyone noticing.
You do so much, for very little.
So when this next year is about to begin, I look back at 2017 and I know you did your best but nobody noticed.
Nobody is jumping up and down with balloons.
There is no banner across the front door of your house welcoming you to the next year. Like a champion.
And you are. I am.
We are champions and nobody noticed.
We didn’t either.
But I know this for sure, you dreaded many mornings but you got up and tended to your responsibilities, regardless.
You found a way to smile at the neighbor who has no clue how you made it through another night.
Somehow, you got the trash out on time every week. I know right? Champion.
You paid the bills every single month. All 12 of them.
I also know you have done some extraordinary things, like pushed yourself out of your comfort zone at least once a week.
That is 52 times. Yup. A big number.
If you have young kids, you got them ready, dressed, and out of the house and to school at least 300 times give or take. That is staggering.
You cleaned your kitchen sink, and loaded the dishwasher maybe even 400 times.
I know you gave yourself pep talks also.
Told yourself to have hope.
Possibly over a thousand times. Incredible.
It has been a year full of miracles. That have not been witnessed. By anyone.
Did you think I was going to let you finish 2017 without saying something?
The dishwasher, the trash, the sink, the bills, the kids, the mornings, you made it through the nights and the 525,948 minutes this year you chose to carry on without complaining to anyone.
You are a champion. A true hero. A resilient mind.
Now that you know, how much you have really done in 2017 when you arrive in 2018 try and not be so hard on yourself.
Maybe let your kids go to school without brushing their hair once or twice.
Stay in bed for a day and call in sick at work.
I mean who is going to notice? Nobody.
Just like they did not notice everything else.
In my own sadness, and deep sorrow I learned something important this year.
That both my wins and struggles are lost on most people.
That the only way to live my life is the way that I choose, even if that seemingly ‘disappoints’ others.
Did you know that they will forget about your choices very quickly as everyone is busy living their own life.
I guess what I am really saying is make 2018 about you.
Strive to choose yourself like my friend James Altucher says in his book.
I know I am about to disappoint many people in 2018 but maybe this time next year I will not feel the sadness that I feel today.
Maybe the goal is to get away with doing less.
Maybe have a day in bed, instead of attending an important meeting.
Maybe even leave a bill unpaid and frame it.
Let them turn off the lights. And have a candle light dinner.
Send them the check next day. And have a good laugh about it.
The world won’t end. And nobody would notice.
After all, it is your adventure. And somehow we forgot that part. I certainly did.
Here’s to a year full of misbehaving. Dirty sinks. Pretend sick days.
And pep talks that have to do with reminding yourself that at the end of the day nobody will remember that you didn’t send out Christmas cards for two years in a row.
Guilty as charged.
Happy New Year,
What do you say to someone who lost the love of their life and they have to go through the Holiday season on their own?
What do you say to them?
You don’t say I am sorry.
You don’t just invite them to mindless dinners.
You don’t ask them how can I help.
And please don’t assume that because they are with you and not alone at home they must be better off.
That you have done what you could and got them out of the house.
I know, I know. It sounds not so nice of me to say.
But I know you want the truth, I know you care about the person in your life who has lost so much.
And you wonder what is the best thing to do.
Well, when they are surrounded by people who have everything they don’t, it hurts them.
Please do invite them over of course, but be mindful, the joy of the holidays brings sorrow.
It reminds them of what they don’t have multiplied by one thousand.
So when they walk in, greet them by smiling in a knowing way.
Talk about the person who passed.
Be the friend or the family member who is not afraid to hang with them and talk.
And no small talk please.
The only thing required is your presence.
Look them in the eyes.
Hold their hands.
Put your arms around them when they are pretending to smile.
Show them that you see their pain.
Don’t run away from those moments.
When happy music is playing, they will often go to the bathroom to cry.
You don’t have to be like everyone else lost in your own festivities.
Look for them especially when everyone is talking about politics or making stupid jokes about the weather.
Reach out then.
I guess what I am asking for is your courage to be present with their grief when everyone else is festive.
I know, it is not an easy thing to ask for.
Casseroles and gifts would have been easier than giving them your soul.
Your eyes. Your embrace.
But I know you can do this. Be with them like nobody else will.
P.S. My love is with you in the next few days. We got this.
The post Give This Letter to the People Who Invite You Over During the Holidays appeared first on Second Firsts.