I was on the train last night going in to the city to celebrate my friend’s new book, and the ride felt unnaturally long.
It was as if we were traveling thousands of miles.
I have been on that train many times.
The 30 minutes go by so fast normally, but not last night.
It was almost as if I had stepped outside of my life.
Outside of everything.
The struggle. The hurry.
The pursuit of meaning.
The pursuit of something that keeps moving away from you.
You can’t hold it in your hand.
You can never obtain it.
Own it.
After death, divorce, job loss or anything that impacts your whole being, the pursuit of something that will ground you again is relentless.
You seek it every morning.
You look for it in others at work, at home.
You try to find it in yourself.
And it is always fleeting.
Like those butterflies who fly close to your hand but they never stay there.
They always fly away.
Ladybirds though, stay.
Maybe it is ok to enjoy our ladybirds even if we always seek the butterflies.
Even though Life Reentry after loss is at my core being.
And I believe it happens. Many times.
However, I also know that there are some things that are forever lost after a tragic loss.
Innocence.
Happy go lucky feeling.
Laughter without limits.
Dancing without crying.
Loving without fear.
Small talk. (Click to Tweet!)
The list is long to last 100 letters. But I think you know this.
And you might be thinking, but Christina aren’t you supposed to cheer us up?
Tell us don’t worry one day things will be better.
No I am not.
I am here to tell you that being real with life after loss is how we could get to the butterfly.
How we find meaning again.
How we find ourselves.
How we could consider loving without fear of losing.
Sugar coating life after loss keeps people in the Waiting Room.
Knowing the dangers, the pitfalls, the heartbreaks leads to freedom and true life reentry.
What did you feel like you lost forever?
Say it. Write it. Then let it go.
It is ok if we can never find our way back to that carefree person, she/he doesn’t live inside of us anymore.
I am ok with that.
Ladybirds are also beautiful.
With many ladybirds and some butterflies too,
Christina
PS. My dear friend Kristine Carlson wrote this extraordinary book about the hero’s journey after loss. I hope you grab your copy today here.
