Ridiculously Afraid

I didn’t know that I had to become courageous… forever… after loss.

I mistakenly believed that being courageous was only necessary for a couple of years.

Maybe three.

But every decision and new thought after loss demanded courage.

Everything had a dose of fear.

I patiently waited for that to change.

I thought to myself, the uncharted had to at some point become easier to navigate.

I craved feeling adventurous, instead of scared.

I wanted to be one of those people who lived free.

You know. Laugh at silly things.

Changing their minds in a moment’s notice.

Saying yes to adventure and not even a taste of fear while doing it.

I am sorry to break this news to you, but I never became that person.

I never saw life as a big wild adventure.

I never became fearless after loss.

Not even on a regular day.

Because on a regular day I anticipated the irregular ones.

Sooner or later, I knew I was never going to live life without fear.

I realized that if I wanted to create a life of meaning I had to accept it.

I had to choose it even.

And I was afraid of millions of things.

Ridiculously afraid.

From the outside I looked undisturbed, even poised as I made my decisions, and built a life I am proud of.

But from the inside it was a whole other story.

I have lived the last 11 years choosing to go on scary adventures.

Waking up every morning knowing that I have to talk myself out of staying the same.

But I had a secret weapon.

Dare I say that it was bigger than grief and bigger than fear?

I had this undying passion.

Passion for helping others mend their hearts after loss.

I felt anger when I realized how unhelpful the world was when it came to those who suffered due to losing the loves of their lives.

Their children. Their people.

How could it be? I thought.

How could it be that the world abandoned its own people.

So today inside a regular scary day, where you are struggling to find your own way I ask you this. What injustice makes you mad?

What wrong you want to make right?

And just like that, fear takes a back seat. Courage becomes your default. And we find our way to the biggest wildest adventure of saving others. In the midst of that, we save ourselves. Share on X

You have all been my saving grace.

You were the reason I found the courage to walk through my fears.

It has always been for you.

Because if it was just for me I would have never left my house.

What is your reason?

 

With so much passion about life after loss,

 

Christina

 

P.S. Order the Where Did You Go? book here: https://www.amazon.com/Where-Did-You-Go-Life-Changing/dp/0062689622