Christina Rasmussen

I No Longer Want to Work Hard to Be Good

Sometimes we wake up in the morning and we just want to rebel against everything we have ever been taught. Other times, we just put our heads down and do whatever we are expected to do. 

Most people feel trapped in a thousand ways. But somehow the invisibility of this modern-day trap moves us into putting our heads down and getting things we are expected to do, done; more often than not. 

We can’t see the entrapment, especially if it looks like the result of our own choices in life. But were they really our own choices…is the question I want to ask today. 

What if some of the choices we made in life have never really been ours to begin with? I want to take us back a little. Back to when we were younger. When we had to rely on the wisdom of our elders, and those who have been in this life much longer than us. In my upcoming book Invisible Loss, I write about that time in our lives. I write about the time when we were our most rebellious. 

“Disobedience—­ as a child, as a teen, as an adult in the world of work and home—­ is an act that creates invisible suffering. We learn to survive that repeated pattern of being given the command from our elders to be “good.” In order to be good and obey, we may create a life closer to that command but further away from our Original Self. We may work hard trying to be good, trying to please and fit in the mold created for us, but that only helps to build our Waiting Room life.” 

Creating a life closer to the wishes of our caregivers and protectors for as long as we have been alive blinds us to the life that we may have chosen for ourselves. 

That life is completely hidden even if we think we know our wishes. And when we go through tragic or invisible loss we do start to question those choices. 

Dare I say – it is an opportunity to exit the loop of being ‘good.’ 

The other day I removed all the words that I often say to make someone else feel good about themselves, even if it is me that is struggling with them. 

I realized that I was working so hard to make them feel good about something that was hurting me. 

There is no logic to that, but we all do it. 

Maybe not all, but a lot of us. 

The conditioning to act good, to be good, and to obey, is old and our default state. 

It is time to interrupt our regular transmission. 

It is time to be clear when it comes to what it is we are trying to communicate to the people in our lives. 

It starts from no longer trying so hard to fit into the mold that was created for us. 

No matter how old we are, we can make a new mold. 

One that is further away from the earlier commands of our lives and closer to what we really want for ourselves. 

Not an easy task. I understand. 

But just reading this letter, and thinking about what is discussed here, is more than enough for today. And a great start for this next part of your journey. 

Here’s to you!

With love



If you pre-order one copy of Invisible Loss you get a conversation starter guide. If you pre-order two copies, or one paper copy and an audible for example, you get to come join me and a few other courageous souls in an intimate conversation in a private Facebook group in addition to the guide.



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