The Guide To Being Outrageous Before, After And While Grieving

January 11, 2019 | IN CHRISTINA'S BLOG/POSTS | BY christinaadmin

I have to tell you.

I am getting too used to living outside the box. With the minority.

From outside the mainstream. From the corner of the universe.

As a matter of fact, it is kind of fun to say outrageous things.

Shock your friends and family members.

I am enjoying this. More than I ever thought I would.

Imagine discovering that living outside the box is more fun than inside of it.

Oh, my world.

What was I thinking for the last 46 years?

Keeping people happy. Staying in my lane. Pleasing everyone.

And all this time this new existence had been waiting for me.

Destroying the idea of me in other people’s minds has been the most liberating thing I have ever done. (Click to tweet!)

And now that I have done it for a few weeks. Wow. It is freeing. Mind-bending. Healing.

It all started when I had to write the book I didn’t want to write.

Where Did You Go? Took me outside of my box and threw me so far away that I could never find my way back.

This is it. The boxed in life is over.

I put together a little guide for you so you can find your way out of that box of yours also.

Brace yourself.

The Guide To Being Outrageous Before, After And While Grieving.

Yes, you read right. This is a guide for all humans even before they experience tragic reasons to live fully. Enough with waiting to be shaken so much that we have to change our lives only when something terribly bad happens.

Here we go.

1. Are you making too many people happy?

If most people in your life are happy with you there is a very good chance that you are not living your truth. Of course, there are exceptions to this. Just make sure you are the exception. And if that’s the case, good for you. If not, keep reading.

2. Who are you afraid you are going to lose?

Here is a fact for you. The ones who love you will still love you when you go outside your box. They will recognize you. Follow you out and come with you. The so-called outrageous things you are doing, are not outrageous for them. They are just more parts of you they can love.

3. How much do you really care about yourself?

One of the biggest discoveries I made was that I did not really care about myself much at all. Pleasing other people directly or indirectly makes you the last choice. If, even a choice at all. Once you start to make the top of the ‘pleasing people’ list. You actually start to love yourself. I never thought self-love can come from outrageous actions and fearless choices. I am sitting here shaking my head with this insight. Even depression can lift. Even weight loss can happen. It is one of the most beautiful experiences I have ever had.

4. Why are you putting yourself and your life on stage?

Fear comes to you when you are worrying about what other people will think of your decision. What will they think about your competency, your abilities? Failure is truly just a stage show. Not a behind-the-scenes experience. We fail in front of people. But we fail ourselves behind-the-scenes. The stage show is the ego’s life, not your soul’s. The soul just wants to express itself in art, science, words, and creations. It doesn’t care what other people will think about its creations. It is about expression, not measurement. I’ve had some harsh words with my ego lately. I told her to stop. Enough with it all. You see my ego will keep trying to put a box around me wherever I go. I just have to outrun her. And so do you.

5. Is your need to be liked more important than your loyalty to yourself?

I always thought that loss taught me to be myself more. To live life my way. And it did. And I have. But did I really live life completely on my terms? Did I really live the way I deeply needed? Nope. I still needed for everyone to like me. I wanted to be a good friend. The likable teacher. The worthy partner. The intensely present mother. The list is long. When you stop caring about being chosen, being important to others, being worthy of someone’s attention, you die in your old life and you are born in a much bigger one.

Your goals change. Your dreams get updated in an instant. You actually find out who you really are. You say things that surprise you. You do things that shock even you.

You might as well change your name too because if you keep choosing yourself versus the world you become someone else so radically different that the only thing that will stay the same might just be the name you were given.

6. How do you start to live life out of the box?

And if you are wondering how to begin your life out of the box, here is what I would say–sit down and list all the things you do for others that you don’t enjoy at all. Not the things you do to pay your bills. Not talking about that. This is not this kind of blog.

This is about the thousands of things you do every day that you don’t enjoy but it keeps you on stage.

A very important distinction.

So, for example:

For your job: List all the things you do every day at the office that you dislike that you do because of how it looks to your boss, to your peers, and to your team. They hold back the dragon in you. I know what you’re thinking. The dragon? Yes, the dragon.

This is about living outrageously and boldly, not about just being happy and content. You have a dragon inside of you that has been held back because you think if he/she is let loose the stage will be messed up and everyone will think you’ve lost your mind. Make a mess. They will recover. It is your life. Not theirs.

For your home: If you live in a house you don’t enjoy but worry what your kids, your partner, your friends will think about your move, that goes on your list. Get it sold.

For your relationships: If you are in a relationship that is good enough but doesn’t deeply satisfy you, yup, it goes on your list. When you move out of the relationship box you are freeing two people at once. This is an act of kindness. Yup.

For your closet: If you have clothes in your closet you wear because they fit in with everyone else’s perception of you, it goes on that list. This one might be harder even than the others. You probably don’t even know what kind of clothes you would choose for yourself. It’s been that long.

One last thing for you to remember.

True self-expression is a human act.

Without it, we perish.

Without it, we self destruct.

Without it, we only exist in shadows.

A shadow existence can destroy a whole life. With suicide. With crime. With lack of care for our environment and world. For other humans. For other planets. For other species. Yup. I am going to keep things out of my box.

This is much more important than a blog, or some silly self-help advice.

Stay out of your box, far away from your own shadow. And if you ever find yourself in someone else’s shadow. Run. Run faster than your legs can take you.

My wish for you is that you find your way to days so outrageous that you pinch yourself.

To new friendships with people who like you not because you fit in their life but because they love how they fit in yours.

May you inspire other people’s adventures out into the wild and open seas.

And last but not least, you are born out of an expression of someone else’s quest to choose themselves.

Now it is your turn.

And if you have gone through tragic losses like I have, the longer you wait to step out of the boxes, waiting rooms and shadows, the less you will like yourself.

This is truly the most personal decision you will ever make.

And the only one that can ever save your life.

With outrageousness,


P.S. Grab my new book Where Did You Go? and journey with me and many others in our private Where Did You Go? Facebook group. The link is in the resources section of the book. See you all there. Journeying with all of you to other worlds has been one of the most fulfilling and outrageous experiences of my life. You don’t know how much this new book has saved my life.

P.P.S. The Life Reentry Weekend is now open for registration. This is our second annual Life Reentry Weekend in Scottsdale, Arizona on June 20th. We have 193 tickets available. Come and be in the company of the most inspiring beautiful people from around the world and spend 3 days together in one of the most incredible resorts in the U.S. I can’t wait to journey with you, re-enter with you and re-invent every aspect of your life AFTER LOSS with you. REGISTER HERE:


I saw Mary Poppins Returns movie trailer appearing every day as I was getting ready for the release of Where Did You Go?

But I never put the two together.

How could have I known?

How could I have foreseen such a thing?

That they were not only being released at the exact same time, but that people from all over the world would write to tell me how many parallels they have been finding between the book and the movie.

The joy and excitement that was shared in these messages was palpable.

The connections were indeed many, and some quite extraordinary, all the way to the yellow rubber ducky. For those reading the book you know what I mean.

One thing that I learned in the last few weeks is that there are some things that are so beautifully divine and profound that we just sit back in awe of it all.

Today’s letter is about all the things that Mary Poppins has always been teaching us.

And as it happens Where Did You Go? Also.


1. Mary Poppins: Anything can happen if you let it.

Understanding the dynamic between you and the world around you is a fundamental part of your journey ahead. Acknowledging that you are both the observer and creator of your world will allow you to let incredible and magical things happen in your life. Miracles left and right. Abundance of synchronicities daily. Anything can happen, really. From the lottery win to your dream job. To a life after loss that is beyond anything you can imagine.


2. Georgie Banks: I miss mother. Jack: If ever I lose my way, I just look up.

The key here is that we seek guidance and wisdom from those we lost. They are there to guide us in their own way. A way we can only recognize. Ask for their help when you need it. You are never alone. Missing them is remembering them. Missing them is them letting us know that love transcends time and space. (Click to tweet!)


3. Annabel Banks: Everything is possible. Mary Poppins: Even the impossible.

There is only one way to make something impossible. Seeing it as impossible. Everything you see is a subjective experience. Everything that exists in your life is your version of reality. When we remove ourselves from this life and go further out and see everything from our higher self or as I call it in the book Superwatcher Self we are able to observe that the structure of our reality is not fixed. It can be changed to include impossible things. I struggled with this concept for the longest time. And when I slowly started making my seemingly impossible dreams come true then my reality started to change with it.


4. Jane Banks: Are you sure this is quite safe? Mary Poppins: Not in the slightest. Ready! Off we go.

Our brain will tell us how unsafe it is to believe in a new reality. It will first try to tell you, that you are a fool. People will laugh at you. Make fun of you. You will lose your credibility, your friends if you tell them that we never die. That we can change our life if we believe in the impossible. That last one, they will call it wishful thinking. Then if you keep going, they will tell you that it is dangerous to believe in such things. To live your life from a place of miracles, divinity and seeing the unseen. They will also tell you that the unseen hides danger. You see, all of these are beliefs that are constructed by us to keep us inside boundaries. 

We have to start the journey not knowing if it is safe, or real. We have to trust something inside of us so we can begin.

And maybe just maybe we can change the things we are afraid of. I am not saying we can go as far as to remove fear and loss. But we can bring in more good things.


5. Mary Poppins: Open different doors. You might find a you there that you never knew was yours.

There are so many different versions of you. And me. And everyone you meet. Your story has many versions. Versions that exist at the same exact time. There is a place within us that can open different doors, choose different stories and walk different paths. Don’t be misled by the reality in front of you that tells you there is no door. No other way. There are indeed infinite ways. Infinite doors.


Even those who have never experienced anything profound, deep down they know the truth about our reality. The truth of our reality lives in movies, novels, stories on the big and small screen. Even if we try to live our days without magic and wonder it will spill through in other ways. You see, it is inside the collective consciousness. The truth can never be hidden.


If you haven’t seen the movie go see it.

If you haven’t read my new book go read it.

And if you don’t do either I have no doubt that you will experience miracles that will make you question everything.


Until next week, enjoy looking for the place where lost things go.

It is where we come from and where we return to. It is home.

Always has been and always will be.


With wonder,


P.S. Where Did You Go? is now available, click here to order.

You have to have a strong sense of self. A clear picture of who you are, what you stand for.

What it is you believe in. You have to be tree-like, like the trees with huge trunks, that can’t be destroyed in bad weather. You must claim your place in the world, and not be shaken or fallen.

Did you know that the world’s oldest tree is in Sweden and it is nearly 10,000 years old? The oldest tree has a very interesting way of surviving harsh weather conditions. It has the ability to make a new trunk when the old one has died. It pushes the old one out, and the new one comes in. Nice. The second oldest tree is nearly 5,000 years old. This one doesn’t push out a new trunk. It keeps the same old trunk. It lives in California. But its exact location is a secret. So it can be protected from the world.

One might wonder why would anyone want to destroy the oldest tree? But there are millions of people who would burn it, cut it, and be proud of doing so.

Don’t ask why. Don’t wonder. Just like I don’t want you to wonder when others try to destroy who you are. Your sense of self will be questioned many times. It will be attacked. It will be shoved to the ground. You have to persevere. You have to be like the very old tree, the 10,000 year old.

When they least expect it push out a new trunk but still be the same tree.

This last year I learned so much about publicly being my true self. My dragon self as you will soon find out. And since this is the last message in a bottle for 2018, I want to share my 5 dragon truths with you.


1. Don’t eliminate yourself.

We live in a world that likes to keep things the same. And I am not just talking about the larger world, but the world within your family, your friend group, your workplace, you know the micro cosmos. When you try to say, write, speak of something that is not just out of the ordinary but outside of their scope, they may shame you. Call you names. Punish you. Ignore you. Run away from you. Once you get brought down, you quickly learn that speaking your mind hurts and you lose your preciousness by trying to be like everyone else. You hide the weird thoughts, the strangeness of you so they don’t take you down again. Instead, you take yourself down so that your tree is hidden and protected. Just like the tree in California. But what if I told you that you can build a new trunk and you don’t have to hide. Wouldn’t you come out and be yourself, and show off your weird ability to push out a new trunk? I bet you would.

2. The dragon is kept asleep.

We live in a seemingly simple world. People wake up, go to work, come home, have dinner, go to bed and sleep their way to the next day. They watch the silly news, some of them believe in a cult-like religion, some don’t believe in anything. Some just hover in the middle, hiding. Thinking that everything is manila. Grey. But it really isn’t. Underneath the simplicity of our lives, a big dragon is kept asleep. Systems are in place to keep the dragon mind from waking up. And this is when knowing your true self is key. If you are a dragon whisperer you have to stay awake. Until you meet all the other dragon whisperers and your true selves can’t be so easily dismissed. But it is a hard thing to do, at first anyways.


3. Truth tellers, find true lovers.

This has been the biggest truth I learned this year. As you bring your true self further out telling everyone what’s on your mind, the people who love you, will keep walking with you. They will stand by your side and be proud of your truth telling. The ones who pretend to love you and like you, will hide fast. And they will do it very quietly. If you blink you will miss their hiding places. Those never liked you, loved you, respected you. Forgive them. This is about them, not you. They live their life trying not to wake up their dragon. Seeing you waking up yours makes them scared. That’s all. They do have special, weird abilities like you but they can’t find their true self and don’t really wish for their dragon to wake up. It’s ok. We will come back for them, when our dragon selves are completely awake.


4. It is all about longevity.

At first, when you start telling your truth and being yourself it’s gonna hurt my friend. Like a lot. It’s gonna hurt everywhere. And it will destroy all the things you have worked so hard to build. But remember it is only destroying the things you built when your dragon was sleeping. (Click to tweet!)

Those things were fine, but they were not what you were destined for. Unfortunately, this is where you will feel loss, grief and you will have to learn how to mourn the old life. It is a part of the dragon waking.

When your true self is here, it knows all the non-truths about your life, and it tries to wipe them out fast. That is when you start to lose jobs, money, friends, status and you have to keep yourself inside the truth. It is like jumping in a tub with ice cubes. Or inside the ocean in the winter. You are going to be cold, and you will want to get out. Don’t. The freeze will not last.


5. Forgive those whose dragons are still sleeping.

This is when it goes from the freeze to the float. From rejection to acceptance. From the asleep to the awake. From routine to the dragon. After you tell your truth and you go through all of the above you have finally escaped the cycle. Some of the other awakened dragons start to find you. And together you are like the tree that pushes out the new trunk. Do you know what happens then? This is my favorite part. The people who hid themselves when they first saw your dragon, unhide themselves and start to wave. They try to sneak back in your life, pretending to have been friends with your dragon all along. You must forgive them. And take them by the hand so they too can wake up. You see, they don’t even know they are asleep. And seeing your dragon fire may get them startled and awake for the first time in forever.


My dragon woke up fully 2 years ago, when I said yes to writing Where Did You Go? The rest is history.

May you find your dragon self in 2019 and make it through the freeze, rejection, shame and the grief of your old life. I promise you my dragon friend, it will be worth it.

With truth and millions of future awakened dragons,


P.S. We have now opened regular registrations for my book’s Temple Masterclass:

Class begins on January 9th. All live video calls are recorded.

Any questions email us: [email protected]

And just in case you don’t own the WDYG book just yet:

I can’t wait to see your dragon fire. And this letter is especially for you if you have lost your true identity in the midst of a very hard life. Your dragon is waiting to be awakened by you.

When my husband died in 2006, I discovered that the distance between life and death was very short. It became very clear that we are here one moment and gone the next.

Death is immediate.

I may even go as far as to say that death is not inside our linear time. If you blink you would miss death. It comes and it takes us outside of this reality, and moves us into a place outside of a linear existence. The place outside of time is a real place, but since we understand life through the concept of time we can’t understand that this place exists.

But it does.

It is also non local, meaning — you can’t find it the way you find everything else on a map. It does not have an actual location. And since death has no time and no location we think it is the end. But it isn’t.

Death is a doorway into a different existence. And because I wanted to discover what this existence is like without dying, I studied, researched, learned and then took all of it and built a bridge, an opening, a way in. And I have been going in and out of there every day for 2 years. The bridge takes you deeper and deeper the longer you travel on, and the more you frequent on it.

I wrote each step in my new book Where Did You Go? So you could go too. You see, this place which we call the afterlife is a place we can visit while living and we can use its wisdom in this life. Here are some of the things I learned about life while I was visiting the afterlife in these last two years.


1. Miracles are real and can be frequent

We use the word miracle because we perceive synchronicities, unexpected healing, visitations from our loved ones as rare phenomena. But the truth is, there is a deeper reality that tells us life can be full of miracles and wishes fulfilled. And we have to start to view our life from this miraculous place. Once we believe that there could be daily miracles, we start to find them everywhere. It may appear as magic but not to those who understand how the hidden levels of reality work. One thing to keep in mind is that you are surrounded by miracles waiting to happen if only you start believing in them.


2. Death is a doorway to a bigger room

There is no death, just a pathway to another view of reality. (Click to Tweet!)

The person you lost only died in your reality but not in theirs. For them, everything changed, and they still exist. They want you to understand that, so they can tell you some things they never got to say when they were here with you, living in this existence. I learned over the last two years that it is not just for our own healing that we must connect with our loved ones, but for them also. Healing needs to take place on both sides. This was surprising to me, when I was informed of that. Of course it makes sense now, but at the time I wanted to write this book to help the living. Because I did not think the ones who are no longer with us needed this too. Now I know.


3. You can talk to the people you lost every day

There are many ways to talk about our loved ones, and you must find your own way to do so. How? Try different types of doors. You can go to a well known medium who has gone back and forth through the door many times. You can do different programs that teach you how to connect. Of course you can also read Where Did You Go? But I want you to know there is a way there, find it, go to them and let them tell you the things they have been wanting to tell you. For those of you who worry that this will activate your grief, I want to say that it actually helps you heal at a deeper level than anything else I have ever seen. Trust the process and believe in what you receive. Don’t question your own ability to connect. You have been born with this gift, I am sure you have heard of kids connecting better and faster than adults. It is because we are meant to. And like Lady Gaga would say, you are born this way.


4. We don’t have to wait for our loved ones to visit us, we can visit them

Ever since I can remember I heard people ask me and others things such as have you had any signs? Or has he visited you in your dreams? I am here to tell you that this is a two way street. We are also meant to visit with them. This is still a relationship. Different of course. But still a relationship that needs both parties to put effort forward. I can hear them laughing at that. And telling me why would anyone think that all of a sudden they have to do all the work? It makes sense right?


5. Life is our own creation

Half way through Where Did You Go? you will discover that the path changes, there is a plot twist as someone called it. As I was traveling back and forth to the reality we cannot see, the more life I found. It appears that the place we go when we are no longer physically here, is also the place we get to create life from.

It is as if afterlife is where creation stems from. It is not after life it is Life Beyond Life. It is where everything starts from. Your dreams. Your wishes. Your whole life is created from there.

And you can create with your loved ones too. This is my favorite part.


6. Your loved ones want you to know they did not die

Imagine if you are waving at someone everyday and they can’t see you. This is how it feels for them. They are trying to get your attention but you are not looking for them. Look for them so they can be seen. They are waving at you and want you to wave back.


7. There are no ghosts

I used to be afraid of ghosts, and anything to do with death. After all, movies, media and the whole world it seems, makes it all look and sound creepy. No wonder we are so afraid. I believe that ghosts are holographic creations of our minds. Our loved ones are not ghosts, they are energy and consciousness that is around us. When we do see them, it is their way of making themselves known in a holographic way, as this is the way we are told that we are able to see them. But when we start to see them with our eyes closed then they will come to us in different ways. The ghost industry is way too big and in many ways wrong. It is as if they want to make us believe in this very scary world. When all this is, is the most beautiful world you can ever imagine. One day we will all experience it first-hand.


8. Heaven is for real

Yes it is. Not that you needed me to tell you this, but it is. The place from which this reality is being projected from is where Heaven is located. Which also includes the people we think we lost. It is where light comes from and gives us this image of this world. It is actually called the Holographic principle and there have been studies on this and it has been scientifically proven. This reality is an image being projected from the 2D dimension where light, energy, and our consciousness exists always.


9. God/source/universe/ is the first creator, who observed you into existence

There was a first creator, who observed our creation. You see, reality here cannot exist without someone observing it and therefore creating it. Observation equals creation. And there is so much to say about this, but what you need to know here is that unless an earlier form of consciousness observed us, we could not have existed. When there is nobody looking at the stars we are being told that the stars cannot be there. This is one of the most fascinating theories out there. Einstein used to say “I want to think that the moon is there when I am not looking at it.” Even he didn’t want to consider that possibility but it was one that he had to.


10. You are never alone

I know it feels like you are all alone with nobody by your side, but one thing I know for sure is that not only your loved one is by your side but many others. You are surrounded by angels, guides, loved ones and a whole cosmos. Not only do you have company but they want to help, connect and be a part of your journey. Let them in.

For those of you who want to know more about all of this, I hope your order a copy of Where Did You Go?:

There are two different kind of re-entries after loss. One where we start to build a new life for ourselves. And another where we have experiences with life beyond life that allow us to bring forth certainty that love never dies. And you are never left behind. This type of life reentry cannot be missed. I have helped many people start over after the loss of a loved one and one question that never goes away until it is answered is WHERE DID YOU GO?

My own answer is, that he never went anywhere, he has always been here.

I look forward to your own answers that can only be given through your own lenses and experiences.

With a lot of life beyond life,


I was finishing an interview with the incredible Jamie Butler at the Lighter Side show which by the way you need to check out.

An incredible human being and I highly recommend her work.

Our interview together will be posted next week.

As we finished our chat Jamie asked me where do you get all this passion from and I said to her that when I discover something that everyone needs to know about, I get carried away.

I can’t stop. All I can think about is telling them what I discovered and how it can change their life. All I can think about is that I can’t have people being sad, and unhappy when there is a way out of sadness.

I want to run to you and tell you.

I want to scream it from the rooftops.

I want to look you in the eyes and say it doesn’t need to be so hard, here is why and how and what and where. (Click to Tweet!)

First thing to know

You are born with the ability to change your life no matter how much loss, sadness and difficulty you are experiencing. You are born ready. You are made to overcome it all.

You don’t even have to learn to do it, you know it. This is your journey and you wrote the map to where you are going. Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t, that there is no way out. There is. And you are standing right in front of it.

Second thing to know

Your life is created by you and the people you choose to have around you. This is very crucial to know. You are the creator of yourself, your destiny and your experience but also who you bring into the world influences that creation. You create your life by choosing the kind of story you want to tell every day. You create by the way you respond to something difficult. By the way you see the world and by the people you choose to be in your life. The way they see you and the way they think of you impacts your life. This is why you must remember to only let people in who see you with love and respect. This is critical. You must choose wisely when it comes to co-observers and co-creators. I have so much to tell you about this and I will but for now, that is all you need. Allow only good people in. Period.

Third thing to know

Death is not death. When someone doesn’t seem like they are here it doesn’t mean they don’t exist. It means they exist in another way. In another place that is non-local, non-geographical, non-physical looking. You have access to that place. Every day. Every moment. You don’t have to wait for them to come contact you. You can be the one connecting with them. They want to connect with you. This has been one of the biggest discoveries I made while writing my new book. They want you to say hi and talk to them. I know this can come across as peculiar and I am fully aware of that. But death is just a word we use to describe the end of someone’s physical life. Not the end of them.

Fourth thing to know

You, the table in front of you, the computer, the phone, the trees, the solid-looking things in your life are not solid. They just appear solid and firm. The truth is that the nothingness of the space between your table and chairs, is the same as the table and chairs. Nothing and not nothing is one and the same. The empty space next to you, is made the way you are made. The reason why this is important to know is that if you knew that then when you see empty space you will know it is not empty at all, it has so many things in it, including your person.They are still here but you can’t see them with your eyes open. Your eyes can’t see all the light that exists. Your ears can’t hear all the sounds that exist. The people we think we lost are right here inside all the space around us.

Fifth thing to know

And last but not least there is a deeper reality, a deeper existence that you can’t see from here and it is where miracles come from. Where healing takes place. Where everything gets created and that deeper, more hidden reality is more real than this one. You can bring everything you want from there to here, it is your creation. When we start to know this, then we can be more in control of our life and what happens to it. Not knowing this, is like trying to drive the car at night without the lights on. Please don’t forget it. You are the driver of this experience and you now know what you need to do to turn the lights back on.

My book is coming out this Tuesday; if you order now it will arrive on time. I can’t wait for you to be holding this book in your hands. And together we can light the way for ourselves and everyone else.


With lights, loves and miracles,


Oh life, you are so complex. You give, you take. We ask. You respond. We live. We die. We lose. We cry. We mourn. We re enter. (Click to Tweet!)

My daughter is going to college in the fall.

She was six when her dad died.

Her sister was four.

We began a journey together.

The three of us.

And every night, we would hold hands.

And whisper to each other.

Together forever.

Together forever.

Me and the girls.

We became one.

To make it through.

To live. After him.

And we did. We got here.

Together forever.

Now the oneness expands.

So she can leave.

So she can go on beyond the house.

Beyond the three of us.

And when she does, life… please give to her.

You already took so much.

So let her have a little more.

I know it doesn’t work this way.

But I will always ask.                        

Her sister will ask

And as I am about to finish this letter, he comes in too.

Whispers from another world.                      

Far and beyond.

Together Forever.

With whispers and chills,


P.S. We featured some new writers on our Second Firsts site this week.

Our health contributor, Leanne Ely, talked about making dinner for one here

Our new author contributor, Brian C. Taylor, wrote about guilt here

Our new author contributor, Kelley Lynn, wrote about dating again here

My heart was beating almost as if it was everywhere.

Not just inside my chest.

But inside the two hundred and fifty humans that were waiting to hear me speak.

It was on the walls of the conference room.

Inside the mic on my blouse.

On the stage.

Like a storm of heartbeats.

That is how scared I was.

I walked towards the stage.

I started to speak.

Word after word.

Step after step.

I started to move the storm.

And make me a part of it.

I became the storm.

I walked with it, spoke with it.

Was with it.

“You are not controlling the storm, and you are not lost in it. You are the storm.” Sam Harris

For everything I had to become, I first had to scare myself.

For everything I am, I had to destroy the person I had been. (Click to Tweet!)

I don’t really know how others change.

For me it has always been a scary experience.

This is also why loss broke me in an unmended way.

I was not controlling the storm, I was lost in it.

And could not become it. Not for years.

But even now, the planes I tried to fly, the books I wrote, the talks I have given, the companies I started, the people I loved and lost have all been born inside a storm.

I learned something while inside the storms of my life.

The storm is part of your soul.

Without the storm you would not be human.

Without the storm the stage would not be there, love neither.

The storm is what connects you to the outside world.

So tell me, what is your relationship with your storm?

When life is calling you and the storm takes your breath away, do you still step out?  

And if you do,  remember that the storm is not going to be scary forever.

You will become it and will be on your way to your next chapter, your next love, your next adventure. You have always been the storm.

With storms,


P.S. Check out our newly designed website with my own name:

I stopped it.

It was only for a few seconds.

A few seconds not being who I had been.

The stop, crushed me.

The interruption of who I was, brought on panic.

I interrupted the force that had kept me going.

The engine I installed inside my brain to keep me from losing my mind after loss, was for a few seconds silenced.


I started the engine back again, immediately.

But these seconds were enough to hear inside the silence.

I turned the engine back on.

Roaring. Forging ahead.

My engine has been working on full force for 11 years.

It almost doesn’t need fuel, it just goes.

I became the whole engine.

I put myself inside of it.

It was better than feeling pain.

The engine had a way to stay in motion.

It even has a name, internal combustion.

A small controlled explosion.

Creating enough power so that the car can go places.

I have been combusting internally.

My controlled explosions of motion were breathtaking.

My engine took me places.

As the years went by I forgot that the engine was there.

That is when I became it.

For 11 years.

The engine. Was me.

A human engine that had to be born after loss.

The heart was hurting.

The brain was stuck in a loop of loss and grief.

Something had to get me out.

The engine is extraordinary but also just an engine.

And it should not be allowed to go on combusting for years.

We must stop it. Look around.

Check in on a life without an engine.

And I did that, this week.

I stopped the controlled explosions.

The engineered motion.

It had done its job.

Now I need to do this life thing without my engine.

I don’t know how that will look like, but I do know I am ready.

Ready to experience unengineered beautiful life explosions. (Click to Tweet!)

I hope you turn off the engine too.

The engine of busy, the engine of routine, the engine of running away from the pain.

Even for a few seconds a day.

Give yourself a break from internally combusting.

There is something in store for us that requires no engine, just heart.

No engine just being.

Go on, untethered. Unbound. Free.

Without bounds,


P.S. If you are part of an organization that provides grief services apply here for our next Life Reentry® Training for professionals.

It was not like any other day.

Something was in the air.

A heaviness, with no name.

A knowing. A goodbye.

An Ending. A full stop.

And it was known.

Nothing could prevent it. Nothing at all.

It was coming. Like all endings do.

The Ending arrived quietly. Almost like a whisper.

“I am here, and I need to end this.” It murmured.

“But why do you have to be here Ending?” I asked.

“Can’t we have a new beginning without you?”

“This kind of beginning requires me to end some things.” Ending said

“But the things you want to end are things I still need.” I said.

“Yes they are.” Ending said

“So, then don’t visit with me.” I replied.

“It’s too late, I am already here. You must let go.”

“Let go.” Ending whispered again.


As I started to let go, the air moved.

My sadness breathed easier.

“Do you see her coming in?” Ending said and pointed towards the ocean.

I looked but there was nothing.

“Keep looking.” Ending said.

“At first, it will look like nothing is coming.

Keep looking.

Beginnings are formless at first. (Click to Tweet!)

Especially as I am still on my way out.

The further I go, the more you will start to see your beginning clearly.” Ending said and I could barely hear it anymore.

My heart was squashed.

My knees were trembling.

I was on my own now.

Looking for my new beginning.

And as I was standing there, just like that, my beginning appeared in front of me.

She was bigger than I had expected.

At first I could not see all of her.

But the parts I could see surprised me.

This beginning was different to any other beginnings.

She was vaster than the ocean itself.

I sat down, put my hands on my face and cried.

Oh ending, I get it now.

The letting go.

You ending things I thought I still needed.

Of course.

You were right all along.

I could not have this beginning without you ending the things I thought I needed.

With an ending and a beginning,


I search and search and search.

Behind every word I say.

After every new decision.

I seek to find myself, the self that lives underneath the rubble.

Under the invisible losses.

And hiding, still.

Sometimes I wonder if I lost her completely.

But as soon as I do, I see her. I hear her.

I feel her presence.

She is still there. Standing tall.

Waiting for her emergence.

You see there is a part of me that never ever reentered.

Life after loss is a little tricky.

Sometimes it appears that we are truly living again.

We are there, at the beach.

Laughing with our friends.

We try new relationships. New jobs.

New houses. New hair. Adventures. Hikes.

We do it all.

But we are never quite there, the way it used to be.

Fully embraced by the present moment.

Standing at the door of each of our experiences.

Just like we would be if we walked inside a house and just stood at the doorway.

This has been my biggest invisible loss.

And it took me many years to figure it out.

The more I reenter, the more clearly I can understand myself and what really happened to me since he died.

A lot happened.

And one thing is for sure, even though I have rebuilt my life from the ground up, there is one thing left to do.

To walk all the way inside my life.

To stop standing at the door.

At first I thought that I was just witnessing everyone because of my life’s perspective.

But as the years went by I looked closer and I saw myself standing at the door and everyone else hanging in the living room or the kitchen.

No wonder it has felt so lonely.

I never let myself all the way in.

I learned that true mastery of life after loss can only be attained by many Life Reentry® journeys. (Click to Tweet!)

Each new Life Reentry® adds to the one before.

My very first Life Reentry® was to laugh out loud for the first time.

The next was to move my bed around.

Then to paint my walls.

Find food tasty again.

Go on an adventure trip with my girls.

Get a new job.

The list goes on.

If I was to count my reentries, there must be thousands.

But as the years go by it gets harder and harder to find my way to the one I need the most.

It took me a while to figure out that there was a part of me that was always left behind standing at the door.

But now that I know, I will make sure no parts of me ever stand at the door again.

During my next Life Reentry® class.

I will not only teach it, but will participate fully.

Reentering with everyone else.

And for those already in my class, nudge me, walk with me too.

My question today for you is, which part of you is still standing at the door?

Are you just witnessing everything instead of being inside your life.

And if the answer is yes, it is ok.

Now we both know.

And we will find our way in.


With love and so much life to live,


P.S. 4 Days left until our next Life Reentry® Journey. Class begins on Tuesday. Doors close on Monday night. REGISTER HERE: