You Find Yourself Standing In Front Of A Crossroad

September 20, 2019

After a loss, you find yourself standing in front of a crossroad. You can’t decide whether to go left or right.  It feels like your feet can’t move.  You second guess yourself.  You ask everyone who is walking by which way they think you should go.  Some, tell you go left.  Others tell you go right.  And some tell you to stay put.  Wait.  Maybe make a decision a year from now.  Or even two.  Just stand in front of the crossroad until then.  And because you doubt yourself you listen to the waiting crowd.  Thinking it’s for the best right now.  But is it? You standing there for so long Unmovable. Unchangeable.  Waiting to live. Afraid of choices.  You are a human being. You are here to change, move, act, step out.  You are not here to sit and wait.  You are here to live out loud. (Click to tweet!) Especially because you now know how quickly the crossroad can be taken from you.  How quickly you won’t have a choice to make.  The crossroad is a big honor.  The honor of being alive.  Should you move to a new town? Should you change your job? Should you cut your hair? Should you turn down a dinner invitation? The questions in front of the crossroad are infinite but they must always be answered.  You must always make a choice.  My husband used to have a favorite book called The dice man.  “Anybody can be anybody.” the dice man said. When you can’t choose, throw the dice.  Chance is better than waiting.  Learning to step on the crossroad is a challenge.  But a challenge we must accept.  Now, what is the question you have been asking in front of the crossroad? Answer it.  Will you?  With dice, Christina P.S. JOIN ME FOR THE TEMPLE JOURNEY: A LIFE AFTER DEATH. REGISTER HERE: https://www.1440.org/programs/faculty-led-programs/personal-growth/self-discovery/temple-journey

Read More
0 Comments.

When Nobody Was Watching

September 13, 2019

The most heartbreaking moments of our lives happen when nobody is watching.  Nobody sees us, then.  These moments are parts of the larger heartbreak.  The whispers of the loud pain.  The experiences we have because of a bigger tragedy.  I want to take you to one of mine.  So then you can take others inside one of yours.  It took place the first few weeks after my husband died.  Late at night just as I was putting my girls to bed. One of my daughters would ask me to go and get her dad, otherwise she refused to sleep.  She kept saying I want my daddy, I want my daddy.  Go get him. Bring him back.  And of course I couldn’t get him back.  A six year old finds it hard to understand how permanent death is.  So she would fall asleep with a framed picture of him in her arms.  Slowly I would remove it from her embrace so the glass would not break in the middle of the night.  Somehow the loss of her dad was harder on her just before she would go to bed, when there was no more playing.  No more life to live for the day.  Just sleep waiting for her.  That is when I would see her grief.  And it was grief without tears. The worst kind.  The torturing kind of grief. When you can’t cry.  When grief feels like nails. Nails that can’t come out.  These moments for her were hard.  But she doesn’t remember them unless I tell her about them.  The agony of that moment has always stayed with me.  Not being able to give her back her dad was so deeply heartbreaking.  But I have just opened the door to that moment in my life and let you in.  I am no longer alone in that moment.  I gave that Christina thousands of friends helping her remove that picture frame from her daughter’s arms. You see that moment is not in the past.  It is happening outside of time and space.  I know you too have many of your own invisible and heartbreaking moments. When nobody was there to hold your hand.  I hope you do share them with someone in your life.  You see, pain that is not seen can never be healed.  Don’t let time stop you from sharing it.  It is never too late.  (Click to tweet!) With shared heartbreak, Christina P.S. JOIN ME FOR THE TEMPLE JOURNEY: A LIFE AFTER DEATH. REGISTER HERE: https://www.1440.org/programs/faculty-led-programs/personal-growth/self-discovery/temple-journey PPS. New coffee episode drops this Saturday. Listen here: http://www.dearlifepodcast.com/coffee

Read More
0 Comments.

Looking For Daisies

September 6, 2019

How do you find a way to live life on your terms?  How do you shed the armor of pretences?  The manners you have been taught since you can remember.  How do you find your way inside your own dreams vs the ones you have been shown?  The ones that played on television.  The wants your neighbors expressed with their perfect green lawns.  The one dimensional view of life coming from just one part of the world.  How do you see inside the blindness?  How do you hear the whispers of a far away land?  And yet when you do start to see inside the blind spots, and hear the whispers as loud voices, They tell you, you must be having a mid-life crisis.  And I want to cry for us.  We are prisoners with invisible bars.  When we start to see them they tell us we are losing our minds.  We are going through something.  We are grieving. We are aging.  We are not ourselves.  Oh dear friend.  I wonder who are they?  The ones who have done this to us.  When did it start?  The training of the pretence.  The correctness. The hypnosis.  It was done by those we trusted. It was done early.  And it was done to them by those before them, and before them.  So they didn’t know what they were doing to us.  That they were building prison bars around our lives.  When we found ourselves questioning our entire existence.  When we asked what is this all for?  When we stopped trying to impress everyone.  When we saw that the things we were driven to create were not our dreams. We exploded. We isolated. We gained weight. We got sick. We got depressed.  If only we were told that the so called mid-life crisis was the part of us that was hidden because it was untamed. Unruled.  There would have been no green lawns.  No accolades. No hierarchy. Just a real life. (Click To Tweet!) I realized this when I was in the midst of my own perfect green lawn.  Right there, I started digging the ground with my foot.  And I couldn’t stop. I got tired of the upkeep. The water bill.  The perfect color of green. I wanted to see daisies.  I cried in the midst of all this greeness, confused as to why I no longer saw its beauty.  You see, I was just waking up not knowing I had been asleep.  But waking up alone.  All of my neighbors still watering their lawns.  I yelled. I called out their names.  I jumped up and down waving at them.  And when they saw me they said, she is having a midlife crisis. Look at all the holes her lawn has.   And here it is, the most crucial part of waking up.  You have to know who is the one really sleeping.  Is it the person watering their lawn or the person digging their feet in the ground looking for daisies? With a dozen daisies, Christina P.S. The first coffee date episode on the Dear Life with Christina Rasmussen podcast drops tomorrow. I answer your question about the afterlife. Make sure you are subscribed on itunes.  Or go to listen here on Saturday morning: www.dearlifepodcast.com/coffee

Read More
0 Comments.

Once Upon A Time, A Day Came That Took Everything From You

August 30, 2019

Once upon a time, a day came that took everything from you.  And you crumbled at the nothingness.  You stepped inside of it looking to find something to hold on to.  But there was nothing.  Nothing to even put your knees on, so you could kneel and pray.  You searched where you thought the floor should be, but even that was taken from you.  You did the only thing you knew how to do, you closed your eyes and prayed inside the nothingness.  And with your eyes closed you leaned against the empty space, and kneeled without a floor. And you were consoled by an invisible presence.  Comforted by a voice without words.  Waltzing inside your tears.  Casting a spell of hope.  Healing within the walls of nothing.  You tried to assemble yourself. Learning to live there.  Training your body to find something in the emptiness of it all.  The hardest class you ever had to take.  The word grief was useless.  It didn’t even come close to the floorless life.  The prickling presence of the darkness.  It had nothing to tell you when you couldn’t even get up from your prayer.  You were being hunted by a feeling that had no name.  You were being snatched by the hole of loss where there were no saviors.  Nobody could come and find you inside your heart.  Where you were being destroyed by the knowing of what had been taken from you.  And the worst of it was, that nobody could see your pain.  Nobody could feel it.  Glimpse at your nothingness. At your destroyer.  That’s the thing with pain, it’s invisible.  It’s not their fault.  They call it grief because they can’t see what the thing that breaks your heart is. (Click to tweet!) But tell them.  Tell them.  There will come a time when you will survive the chaos that can never be seen unless it belongs to others too.  Unless you too are inside the nothingness, you can never know it.  And then, because you learned to spot it in others you get to waltz inside their floorless life. Speak to them when they are kneeling on nothing.  Didn’t you know?  The comforting voice by the invisible presence was YOURS.  It has always been yours.  With nothingness that can see inside yours, Christina P.S. JOIN ME FOR THE TEMPLE JOURNEY: A LIFE AFTER DEATH. REGISTER HERE: https://www.1440.org/programs/faculty-led-programs/personal-growth/self-discovery/temple-journey

Read More
0 Comments.

Sign up to receive Christina’s Message in a bottle every Friday