The Small But Life Changing Gifts of 2021

January 1, 2021

I know this last year felt like a rollercoaster that kept dropping you.  With no bottom. An indefinite drop.  Your head couldn’t catch up.  Your mind couldn’t process it.  And your heart kept trying to mend itself, inside a thousand breaks.  No mending possible. No chance at a breather.  Today the calendar says it's a New Year.  But you are still experiencing that same rollercoaster drop.  You struggle to be hopeful. I know.  You find it hard to believe that your heart will stop breaking. But this, whatever this last year was about, will end.  I believe it. Wholeheartedly.  Not because I am an optimist.  Definitely not because of that.  But because it is the truth.  2021 is going to bring you gifts.  And because of the catastrophic drop you experienced in 2020, these small gifts will bring a smile to your face.  Everything small, will.  You will laugh at the silliest joke.  When you get to hug others again, it will feel like your very first time.  When you go to the coffee shop and sit down with your coffee you will just marvel at it.  Just pure gratitude for all the physical human things we lost in 2020.  And as I am writing this very first letter for 2021 I want to personally wish you strength for the leftovers of 2020.  Belief in life’s undeniable come back.  And last but not least, a reminder that love is always present in physical and non physical ways. Nothing can ever take love away.  I wish you the most meaningful, and spectacularly heart mending year.  2021 is here to remind us that the sun will always rise even after the darkest of nights. (Click to tweet!)   With childlike wonder for 2021, Christina P.S. May this week’s episode helps bring in 2021 with a bang. Listen here.

Read More
0 Comments.

My Own Story of 2020

December 25, 2020

“We tell ourselves stories in order to live” my favorite author Joan Didion often reminds me. As I am putting words on paper for the final letter of 2020 I am thinking about the story I want to tell.  And what a better day to tell it, on December 25th.  It matches the non-traditional clothes of grief.  The rebellious acts of life after it.  We often think about religion as traditional.  But I don’t think it is.  Religion has always been a beautiful rebellious act.  When we didn’t have science to explore the world, religion told us unprecedented stories.  It told us stories in order to live, in order to understand ourselves and the world around us. Bold stories. Immersed in supernatural events and unlikely heroes.  Whatever your religion is.  Whatever stories your beliefs about our existence tell you.  Remind yourself to write an unconventional, supernatural story about your life in 2020. It was kind of supernatural wasn’t it?  If someone told you a year ago what was about to happen you wouldn’t have believed it. When the beginning of the pandemic was here, I wrote a letter about how it all felt so familiar to the stuckness tragedy brings forth in our lives.  How we, the bereaved of the world already knew the insides of the quarantine.  We knew what it felt like to be stuck between the two worlds.  The before and the after. Where the Waiting Room lives.  And just like that, the whole world got a taste of the room we have spent such long periods of time in.  For a moment, we felt that others would know what it was like to be in limbo.  Waiting indefinitely.  It didn’t mean we were less lonely and unseen, it just meant that this hidden world we have been in since our loss, could be seen by others now too.  And that to me has always been a gift from this year.  To have a kind of knowing of each other’s hidden worlds of loneliness, is the first step towards healing which can only take place when someone else understands our pain because of their own.  The story I tell about this Holiday Season and this last year is one of unity.  One of unprecedented understanding of loneliness, where for the very first time we could glimpse inside each other’s hidden worlds. Inside the unseen.   Here’s to a Holiday season full of empathy for each other’s pain. (Click to tweet!) May we witness what was impossible to witness before and help each other heal.  This is indeed a special December 25th where a supernatural and unconventional future can be born as we walk out of an unnatural year.    With many future stories to be told, Christina P.S. This whole week on my Dear Life Podcast we have special episodes to get you through these days. I hope you listen HERE.

Read More
0 Comments.

Dating The Holiday Season Once Again

December 18, 2020

It is ok if some things that are meant to be easy, feel hard to do.  Don’t compare yourself to others.   If something feels hard, it is hard.  Someone else’s experience with it, can’t change yours.  This goes for everything.  Including grief.  Including Christmas.  The Holiday Season makes some people happy and others sad.  Hearing Christmas Carols can make one man weep and another cheer.  It all has to do with the kind of losses you have had.  The kind of loves you have experienced.  And the childhood you remember having. It has to do with the history of your life. The stories you were told and the stories you remember being told.  I have a strange relationship with the holiday season.    I broke up with it completely for a few years then I decided to date the Holidays again and I found its season bitter sweet.  It never felt as wonderfully dreamy as before. I could never just let go in it.  Be a part of the festivities with my full heart.  Indulge in the lights and the songs.  It feels like going back to an old relationship trying my best to feel its glory days.  It never delivers.  So now, well now I arrive each year here doing my best.  I laugh. I cry. I dress up. I put up the trees. I sing the songs.  I buy the gifts. I surrender to it. Just like a ride on an old roller coaster.  It is good enough but not the highlight.  And certainly not the big hit that it used to be in the good old days.  As this next week is approaching remember to make it whatever it needs to be for you and for your life.  Your version is the only version that matters.    With holiday musings, Christina PS. And I hope my books Second Firsts and Where Did You Go? find you during these next two weeks.

Read More
0 Comments.

It Found You Crying in Front of the TV

December 11, 2020

I don’t know how it comes back, but it does.  It comes knocking on your door.  Even though you can barely notice it at first.  I am talking about the feeling of wanting to live again.  I know you never thought it would come back.  You didn’t believe it could find you.  But it did.  It found you crying in front of the TV.  And it made the movie you were watching, right for what you needed.  It found you taking your dog for a walk, in the evening.  And it made the leaves move a little more as you passed along.  It secretly followed you around for a while, trying hard not to make you notice as you have been a little afraid of feeling things again.  You have been saying NO to things that remind you of what it was like to be happy.  Afraid of breaking that heart of yours again.  But do you know what the feeling of life is made of?  It is made of the thing that made the earth, and all the planets. It is that strong.  And if you let it, it will try to walk by your side instead of behind you.  It will sit on the couch with you and watch a comedy.  It will take you on a bike ride on a Saturday morning.  It will find a way in.  The feeling of life will not rest.  As long as you are here, it is here too.  You just have to notice it.  Can we try? Just pause for a second right here, right in the middle of the sentence.  Feel. Feel the brokenheartedness. Feel the grief.  Now just move your attention a little bit on the side, right next to grief. That is where it is.  The feeling of wanting to live again. Laugh again.  It is there like it always has been.  “Knock, knock. Can you come out and play?”  Life whispers. “I weaken and perish, I crumble and vanish without you friend.” Life says. “Play with me today and I will keep us both strong.  Visit with me and I will gift you a new life." (Click to tweet!)   With new life knocking, Christina P.S. Please listen to this week’s Dear Life Podcast, we put together clips from some of your favorite guests. It will lift your day. Listen HERE

Read More
0 Comments.

Sign up to receive Christina’s Message in a bottle every Friday