You are one tiny thought away from a completely different life. (Click Here to Tweet!) But we live inside a room with no windows. A room that keeps us thinking this is the only room. There are Infinite rooms. I didn’t really understand this fully until the last couple of years. You see, all of us are capable of occupying many rooms. Some of us can live in many different ones at the same time. Others can move linearly from one room to the next. And some stay in the same room forever. These rooms are separate life paths. Separate relationships. Careers. Dreams. When we go through a devastating loss we are told the room we occupied all this time is no longer available to us. This is harsh, but true. We are then told to pack our things and move into a different room. Yes. But. A lot of us go back inside the room and try to stay. We think that we can make it work. Sure it is darker than before but it is better than a new room. Or no room at all. Our mind lies to us. It tells us this is the only room that exists. Exploring is a waste of time. And we stay. Stay in the dark room. The lonely room. The room with no future. The room of ghosts. Silence. In there, the loneliness lady lives. In there, the anniversary train visits. In there, the room becomes the Waiting Room. At this point, the lock turns. The door closes more permanently. We go to bed. And we die there. Yes so many of us never find our way out. I am going to now pull you out of this picture. Give you a bird’s eye view. Imagine I can take you up from your room, like a drone would. See yourself inside that room, laying on the bed. As we pull higher up, you start to see all the other rooms right next to yours. Some of them are big. With incredible views. Others have many rooms in one space. Floors even. And they connect to other rooms. We keep going higher up. And we see a whole city of beautiful rooms with many lives, and new dreams, breathtaking landscapes. I am going to stop us for a second right here. Take it all in, it is the truth. The truth your mind has been trying to hide from you. You have so many new possibilities. There are so many choices. Now we are going to go back, back to that room. We descend slowly, with tears in our eyes, knowing how we nearly missed all these other rooms and lives we could have had. You are now inside the old life, in your room. You look around you and you now know this is no longer your life. You grab your things. Not all of them, just enough. And walk out. Your next room won’t be visible at first as you come out of the old room. But keep taking the steps. All of a sudden you will see not just one new room but a few. You will learn that in this next chapter after your loss, you have choices. Options. You get to choose from a variety of rooms. You get to be a room walker. As you keep moving forward you find out what I found out. That your life belongs to many rooms, and your keys in your pocket can open more doors than you ever thought were possible. To thousands of rooms, Christina P.S. I heard your voices read your messages and I am bringing the Life Reentry class back. Live weekly with me teaching it alongside two incredible practitioners. We open registration here: https://lifereentry.com/life-reentry-class/ We have 100 spots. I hope you grab yours. Class starts September 25th.Read More
“Do whatever you have to, to get through the pain after I am gone.” my husband said to me a few months before he died. “Whatever it takes.” he said. “It doesn’t matter what it is you have to do, if it makes you feel better then do it.” I didn’t always follow his advice but it did help me feel less guilt when my choices after loss were not perfect. When we lose someone we love, it hurts like hell. And I don’t know how he knew to tell me this then. But the pain is so unbearable that we have to do whatever it takes to get through it. You will make decisions you will regret. And you will say and do things that you wish you hadn’t. So what? When your person vanishes from your existence and your heart is crushed, you have to do whatever you need, to keep on standing. (Click Here to Tweet!) Don’t be ashamed. You are still good. You are just hurting badly. So I am going to give you a few examples of my “whatever it took.” And then I want to hear yours. We will use WIT for short. Ok here we go. Some of my WITs: -I went out on a few dates with someone I didn’t see a future with after he died, but he kept me company on the phone and asked me how my day was. -I had a few too many glasses of wine the year following his loss. -I spent more money that I should have on things I didn’t need. -I didn’t eat for a year or two. Then I ate everything. The list is long. But you get the picture. Now it’s your turn. What are yours? Write them down, release them from shame and know that you had to do what you had to do to get through. I will be doing a big post on this on our Facebook page here so everyone can share their WITs. You are not alone in this. No shame in doing what you have to, to get through your loss. With life and so many WITs, Christina P.S. Do you have a copy of Second Firsts? If not here is where you can grab yours: https://www.amazon.com/Second-Firsts-Live-Laugh-Again/dp/1401940838/Read More
I have been writing about life after loss for almost 8 years and it just hit me today. After loss, tragic loss especially, the feeling of home is hard to find. You never feel at home again. You move houses. You look for new beginnings but nothing is quite like the home feeling you had before the loss. When you felt like you belonged. When everyone was yours. And you were theirs. I don’t talk about it much, but living with my stepdaughters has always made me feel like my home is not my home. And I will leave it at that. But here is the unexpected gift of it all. I carry my home inside of me. I am my home. You can find me mostly at home walking the streets. Writing. In my car driving. In the darkness of a movie theater. At the beach. I took my home with me. I do live in a beautiful home overlooking mountain tops. But the views have become more my home than what’s inside of it. And now that my own girls are so grown up. One of them is going to college, the other is close behind, when they are not at home I find myself not wanting to be there either. But here is what I know. Happiness now means the insides of my own mind. (Click to Tweet!) It means that my thoughts, my feelings are my home. Even when I fell in love again and married the most wonderful man, my happiness was an inside job. I had become an island. And I stayed an island. Now dear friend, I must tell you that happiness that stems from you is the most wonderful thing in the whole wide world. You never run out. You don’t need someone else to make you happy. Loss may be devastating for the traditional lives you used to live. But a magnificent builder of lives you never thought were possible. May you have the feeling of home everywhere you go. A thousand places, a thousand homes made by you. With life, Christina P.S. If you are a therapist, a social worker, a pastor, a life coach helping people after loss please apply for our six month long Life Reentry Practitioner certification program here: https://lifereentry.com/life-reentry-practitioner-program-home/ It starts January 15th, we have an incredible payment plan and we are putting together one heck of a class. I look forward to our interviews with all of you: https://lifereentry.com/life-reentry-practitioner-program-home/Read More
It’s not a dance. Or a musical piece. And it’s not a walk on the beach. It’s a bruise. A gasp. A torture. I am talking about life. Not even after loss, just life. I think the first time I realized life was hard was when this girl at my middle school grabbed me from the monkey bars and threw me on the ground. Nobody rushed over to help me up. Nobody told off the girl. Everyone kind of looked away. My teacher called my mom to come get me earlier. And I remember him telling her, it was nothing. I was holding back all of my tears. Trying to look like it was nothing. But it was a very shameful embarrassing moment I remember very vividly. Earlier than that I remember my kindergarten teacher pulling my hair in front of the whole class. I wanted the earth to open up and take me in. I can go further back or I can go forward. Plenty of torturous shaming hard life moments where the self gets trashed, shaken and ashamed. I know you have had moments like mine, some of you worse. And they have all been invisible and kicked into nothingness. But here is what I know now. Life can be a dance but not the type you might be thinking. It’s not a disco dance. But the drumming type. (Click here to tweet!) Drumming to the beat of the bruises the gasps, the tortures and the human spirit. Listen to this. Feel the rhythm and the beat. And step into it. This is where we belong. And when you drum like this, nothing can defeat you. The drum sounds like this in words. I can do anything I want The drum feels like this in feelings. I am hurt but I will not surrender, I will never give up The drum moves like this in actions. I am going to keep climbing against all odds. The drum loves like this in compassion. Give yourself a break, you need it The drum understands in gratitude. Grateful for all the falls, the pull downs and the bruises And the drum sounds like your heartbeat. Vibrating through the universe in eternity. Dear girl, who pulled me down from the monkey bars, I forgive you. May you hear your drums. And dance to it. When you do, nobody can pull you down from the monkey bars. With life, Christina P.S. Today we open registration for the next practitioner program that begins January 15th. Apply here: https://lifereentry.com/life-reentry-practitioner-program-home/Read More
Christina’s strange but accurate weekly letter about life after loss.