The Life After Loss Kidnapper

October 18, 2019

She resides inside new love.  She makes her home within a new memory.  She keeps you up at night after a first date.  And she whispers words of utter destruction.  Especially after laughter.  After fun.  Her name is guilt.  And she ain’t going anywhere anytime soon.  Or so she thinks.  Her hands have hooks inside your ear drums.  When music starts to play, she turns the volume down.  When life walks in, she kicks her out.  A hurricane of metal rain.  A storm without rainbows after.  Guilt, the most heartbreaking of thieves.  The cherry eliminator.  The frosting stealer.  The life after loss kidnapper.  But guilt is a fake impersonator.  A bad actress inside a good movie.  Hiding behind good lines.  Exceptional script.  Don’t forget, this is your life.  Your lines. Your new chapter.  She broke in when you were crying.  She stole the lines when you were lost.  But now that you are feeling a little better.  She yells out louder to get your full attention.  Afraid of what you might do with someone like her.  She is now seen for what she really is.  A liar.  A performer without her own stage. A wannabee.  Can’t you see?  Guilt doesn’t belong in your story.  Unless you are directing a parody.  A soap opera.  Guilt should be kicked out of your ears, and punched out of your new found moments of happiness.  Because if you let her stay, you might as well let the thief sleep in your bed.  Make you coffee and feed you breakfast.  Let’s not do that.  Let’s not even say her name.  Or even write a letter about her.  Never let anyone rob you from your hard earned joy after loss.  You deserve way better.  With no guilt whatsoever, Christina P.S. I hope you are listening to our incredible podcast guests: http://www.dearlifepodcast.com/episodes PPS. See you in March at 1440 Multiversity in California. Register for class, room and board here: https://www.1440.org/programs/faculty-led-programs/personal-growth/self-discovery/temple-journey

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The Long Way Home

October 11, 2019

It has taken me over 13 years to feel a longer lasting sense of happiness.  You might want to yell out but Christina, that’s too long of a journey.  And I will say that is the good side of life after loss.  Not many of us ever make it back to a happy life.  You see, after a traumatic loss when we feel happiness again, it comes in short bursts.  You may have a minute of feeling good. And then back to feeling sad.  As time goes by, you may experience feeling good for a whole day.  A few years in, you could have a good week.  What I noticed from my own life was that I never really felt good for a long period of time.  Longer than a few hours. Longer than a day.  I was being chased by so many demons born by trauma.  And they were complex demons. Demons nobody mentioned.   No support groups. No friends. No books.  Nobody really talked about the unspoken way of living after loss.  It was almost as if I could never catch my breath.  Or fully exhale.  I kept trying different ways to live life.  Build new homes. New relationships.  New skills. New identities. And they were all needed.  They were a part of learning how to live again.  As long as I was not going to give up.  Or stop hoping for a full exhale.  I would finally get here.  And I did a few weeks ago.  I started to notice that the heavy weight I was carrying inside my chest especially in the mornings was lessened.  I felt lighter.  Things that felt difficult before, were not so difficult anymore.  I had less panic attacks.  Less heart palpitations.  And less emotional eating.  And yes I noticed. Something had indeed changed.  Finally this last reentry brought with it a sense of peace.  I wish I could tell you I got here earlier.  That I found a shortcut. But, it is better late than never.  Many people never find long lasting happiness after loss.   For those who make it, you just witnessed a miracle. (Click to tweet!) If you are still carrying the burden in your chest just like I was for so long, keep going.  Keep rebuilding.  Changing things up.  Until you notice happiness staying longer and longer.  Until everyday life is not so hard anymore.  When you go to bed at night and you can’t wait for tomorrow morning to come.  When you want to go out and have fun instead of staying in, alone.  It may have taken me a long time to get here, but I am grateful to make it here after all.  With a longer lasting happiness, Christina P.S. Registration for my Temple Journey weekend at 1440 Multiversity this March is now open.  You will spend a weekend with me learning how to connect with your loved one.  You will leave with new memories, new understanding of life and death and last but not least, you will learn how to co create a new life with your loved one and the cosmos.  Register here: https://www.1440.org/programs/faculty-led-programs/personal-growth/self-discovery/temple-journey You can call 1440 Multiversity with any questions about rooms here: +1-888-727-1440  The Temple journey process is inside my book Where Did You Go?

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I Wish Time Never Ran Out

October 4, 2019

I wish I could play music.  Sing like an Opera singer.  Write as if I have lived many lives.  I wish doors opened for me. I wish I was lucky. And much younger when I got my act together.  Smarter.  Good at math.  And I could live long enough to see earth from space.  I wish time never ran out.  Not for me, not for anyone.  I wish I could time travel to the past and experience some of my favorite things, twice. (Click to tweet!) Sit with my grandparents and just listen to them.  Then, travel to the future to meet my great grandchildren.  Look at them from afar and see me and him, in them.  Find out how books are read in the year 2100.  How space travel is a thing everyone does.  I wish I could meet an alien.  And see worlds beyond this one.  I always wanted to tell Bjarne about facebook.  How the ipod became the phone.  He died before all of that came about.  Show him pictures of the girls.  I wish I knew the year I would die.  And slow that year down.  And even though I might never make it to 2100, and sing like an opera singer, I know one thing for sure.  During my time here, I was able to slow down my thoughts so I could write you these letters. I made meaning out of my pain.  I somehow found a way to mend hearts scattered around earth without a rocket ship.  Or time travel abilities.  I found a way to speak to you without a phone, or ever meeting you in person.  I didn’t need math, or luck or even doors to open for me, so I could get to you.  Maybe after all, I was good with words.  And that was enough.  With the whole universe by my side, Christina P.S. You can see this letter on the blog here. PPS. If you have a friend who has gone through a loss and would like to receive this letter every Friday send them to this page so they can sign up.

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Without Roller Skates

September 27, 2019

Life is prickly.  That is where all the stories we tell ourselves come from.  The prickly things.  We tell ourselves so many things after we feel pain.  I caught myself doing that, last night.  It was about someone who wasn’t getting pricked as much as me.   And I noticed my inner story start.  “Some people have it easy.  They don’t work as hard as you and they get ahead, regardless.”  The story went on to say why do they get away with less pain and struggle.  In that moment I realized how that sounded.  Would it be better if everyone hurt the same?  As often. As much?  Would it make my own heart hurt less?  It sure wouldn’t.  So why was I mad about this woman who was getting away with less pain?  It hit me then.  I have always felt that others had it easier.  While OTHERS were on roller skates. My lane always had obstacles.  But if I had the choice, would I choose the skates over the hurdles? Would I? And who is the I?  You see the human Christina is jealous of the skaters.  But the soul Christina knows she is on a hero’s journey.  And has been from when she was very young.  Joseph Campbell always said it well.  “You enter the forest at the darkest point,  where there is no path.  Where there is a way or path,  it is someone else's path.  You are not on your own path. If you follow someone else's way,  you are not going to realize your potential.”  And as I looked back at this woman’s easier journey, I saw something that I hadn’t seen before.  She used someone else’s light to enter the forest at the darkest point.  Joseph Campbell said,  “The goal of life is to make your heartbeat match the beat of the universe,  to match your nature with Nature.”  If you enter the dark forest, your heart has to match the darkness.  And that is how we know that we are living our potential,  that we are on the right path.  I know if you have subscribed to this letter, you have gone through something really difficult.  Next time you see your friends on their skates please remember that when they see you overcoming your hurdles they also notice your hero’s cape.  With an assortment of capes, Christina P.S. I hope you are reading my book Where Did You Go? and journeying to connect with your loved ones often.  PPS. And if you are enjoying the podcast please leave a review here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dear-life-with-christina-rasmussen/id1465291728 PPPS. Also my good friend Kristine Carlson has written an amazing book that combines grief and the hero’s journey. 

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