It Found You Crying in Front of the TV

December 11, 2020

I don’t know how it comes back, but it does.  It comes knocking on your door.  Even though you can barely notice it at first.  I am talking about the feeling of wanting to live again.  I know you never thought it would come back.  You didn’t believe it could find you.  But it did.  It found you crying in front of the TV.  And it made the movie you were watching, right for what you needed.  It found you taking your dog for a walk, in the evening.  And it made the leaves move a little more as you passed along.  It secretly followed you around for a while, trying hard not to make you notice as you have been a little afraid of feeling things again.  You have been saying NO to things that remind you of what it was like to be happy.  Afraid of breaking that heart of yours again.  But do you know what the feeling of life is made of?  It is made of the thing that made the earth, and all the planets. It is that strong.  And if you let it, it will try to walk by your side instead of behind you.  It will sit on the couch with you and watch a comedy.  It will take you on a bike ride on a Saturday morning.  It will find a way in.  The feeling of life will not rest.  As long as you are here, it is here too.  You just have to notice it.  Can we try? Just pause for a second right here, right in the middle of the sentence.  Feel. Feel the brokenheartedness. Feel the grief.  Now just move your attention a little bit on the side, right next to grief. That is where it is.  The feeling of wanting to live again. Laugh again.  It is there like it always has been.  “Knock, knock. Can you come out and play?”  Life whispers. “I weaken and perish, I crumble and vanish without you friend.” Life says. “Play with me today and I will keep us both strong.  Visit with me and I will gift you a new life." (Click to tweet!)   With new life knocking, Christina P.S. Please listen to this week’s Dear Life Podcast, we put together clips from some of your favorite guests. It will lift your day. Listen HERE

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The Inheritance

December 4, 2020

I have been more emotional lately.  I know you have too.  There is something in the air. Isn’t there?  Something ungraspable.  Unknowable.  Quite unspoken.  Even though we do speak of it.  I see it in people’s eyes.  Heaviness sitting inside emptiness. How do we even begin to understand it?   A burden like no other.  It is as if it wasn’t part of the pain education we ever got.  And because nobody taught us about the current burden of the world, it is impossible to carry. Why? A burden that is unfamiliar is harder to lift.  We don’t know how to hold it.  We can’t see it, we just feel it.  We sense it in others. They sense it in us.  It is as if gravity is unwavering.  The only way to make this any easier is to see the burden.  To find the name for it.  You see, it is something that has always been a part of our human history.  Us human beings have been through unthinkable things.  And yet every hundred years or so we forget the burden we have carried before.  But it has always been a part of our human story. (Click to tweet!) It has always been our INHERITANCE.  I kind of like that word. It makes it easier to understand.  It also reminds us of its familiarity.  Just like our great grandparents have lived through collective sorrows, we too are going through something similar.  And when we look at old pictures of them, during a time that resembles this one, stare at their eyes and you will see that same empty heaviness.  But keep looking and you will also recognize resilience and a fighting spirit. Because they too remembered that this has happened before. It is the inheritance that comes with being human.  And now that you know, take that empty heaviness and fill it in with hope.  You see, knowing the kind of burden that this is, makes it easier to carry and heal it.  Hold your arms out and lift it. There.  There you go. There we go.  With gravity, Christina P.S. And if you have one hour this weekend take a listen to my conversation with Dr Jade Teta about the simplest way to eat, move and be healthy. It is a game changer. Listen to the DEAR LIFE PODCAST HERE

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Millions of Souls Are Thinking of You

November 27, 2020

I am writing to you late on Thanksgiving evening, and I can’t stop thinking of you.  I want to know about your day.  Were you on your own?  Did you have to cook a meal for one?  I tried to guess the number of people who were not able to be with their families, and I can’t decide if it is a million, two million, or ten.  Maybe even 100 million people ate Thanksgiving dinner on their own this year.  I know it sounds like a lot. But I do think it was a lot.  What if someone told us the actual number, would it change anything?  Would it make a difference?  You may be thinking, it wouldn’t even matter.  But it would. Numbers matter.  We count everything.  We need to understand the scale of things.  It prepares us for what we need to do.  It tells us about reality.  The world we live in.  If you are reading this letter and you were with your family on Thanksgiving, I know that just like me, you were thinking of those who weren’t. If you were alone on Thanksgiving know that I thought of you, and sent you my love all day long. It may not matter practically, but energetically I hope you felt it.  I hope your soul knew that my soul was there with you in your living room.  Maybe even sitting next to you on your couch watching TV.  I know this is a simple letter, with no fancy words.  Just a letter to say I don’t want you thinking that nobody cares.  If today you have another day on your own, then you know my soul is there with you. There are many souls like mine, who are thinking of you. I know this deeply.  I know we live in a kind and caring world. And when you are on your own, and a voice inside of you tells you that nobody cares, please talk back to the voice.  With the truth. (Click to tweet!) I am not sure as to how many souls are thinking of you.  It may be a million, 2 million or even 10.  Reality is a mirror.  A mirror soul is right there with you.  Here’s to another day together.  May we have many days where we know we are never really alone.    With millions of souls thinking of you, Christina

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A New Fork in The Road

November 20, 2020

Today, I was reminded of the joy of a new adventure.  The unknown path ahead.  The fork in the road.  Oh I felt young again.  I rejoiced.  I was nauseous just before it.  My brain casting a spell of darkness.  And yet, when I leaped inside the unknown I felt elation.  The kind I had forgotten about.  The kind only reserved for the years before.  But yet, there it was. My very own fork in the road.  Oh no, I wasn’t running towards it at first.  I was questioning it for the longest time.  I found myself resting inside the spell.  Lingering in there, wondering if I could find my way like I used to.  Like I had done in my 20s, when the pain of not landing on solid ground couldn’t scar you for life. In my 30s, when the sorrow of losing my whole world gave me strength to find anew.  In my 40s now, late 40s really.  Questioning that fork in the road.  Pacing that blends with crawling.  Wanting to stand up, even inside my own nausea.  And not bother with the thought of not landing well.  And so I do. I choose the road without a name.  It had been a while.  I had forgotten the lust of it. The longing of the blank page. But at last. The unknowns. The unnamed and the untolds. I beckoned them back to me. One more time. And they came, remembering my name from all the befores.  May you too listen to the whispers, the whistlings and the songs, beckoning yours. However old. However long it's been.  With a new fork, Christina  P.S If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts,  this week’s Dear Life Podcast is with Erin Matlock  who has survived to tell her story.  Listen here.

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