I was on the train last night going in to the city to celebrate my friend’s new book, and the ride felt unnaturally long. It was as if we were traveling thousands of miles. I have been on that train many times. The 30 minutes go by so fast normally, but not last night. It was almost as if I had stepped outside of my life. Outside of everything. The struggle. The hurry. The pursuit of meaning. The pursuit of something that keeps moving away from you. You can’t hold it in your hand. You can never obtain it. Own it. After death, divorce, job loss or anything that impacts your whole being, the pursuit of something that will ground you again is relentless. You seek it every morning. You look for it in others at work, at home. You try to find it in yourself. And it is always fleeting. Like those butterflies who fly close to your hand but they never stay there. They always fly away. Ladybirds though, stay. Maybe it is ok to enjoy our ladybirds even if we always seek the butterflies. Even though Life Reentry after loss is at my core being. And I believe it happens. Many times. However, I also know that there are some things that are forever lost after a tragic loss. Innocence. Happy go lucky feeling. Laughter without limits. Dancing without crying. Loving without fear. Small talk. (Click to Tweet!) The list is long to last 100 letters. But I think you know this. And you might be thinking, but Christina aren’t you supposed to cheer us up? Tell us don’t worry one day things will be better. No I am not. I am here to tell you that being real with life after loss is how we could get to the butterfly. How we find meaning again. How we find ourselves. How we could consider loving without fear of losing. Sugar coating life after loss keeps people in the Waiting Room. Knowing the dangers, the pitfalls, the heartbreaks leads to freedom and true life reentry. What did you feel like you lost forever? Say it. Write it. Then let it go. It is ok if we can never find our way back to that carefree person, she/he doesn’t live inside of us anymore. I am ok with that. Ladybirds are also beautiful. With many ladybirds and some butterflies too, Christina PS. My dear friend Kristine Carlson wrote this extraordinary book about the hero’s journey after loss. I hope you grab your copy today here.Read More
It’s like the side of your foot doesn’t have anywhere to rest on. You can’t stand still when you are on there. There is no space to. It is as if you can lose it all. It is the all or nothing arena. You feel like throwing up just before you step on it. Sleep is unachievable. And that foot never gets to have a whole area under it. I am talking about what it feels like to step on the edge. The edge is this narrow line that won’t let you forget how it can give it all to you and take it all from you. But the longer you stay there, the more the edge gives to you. It gives you a new identity. A sense of pride. Awe and wonder. A new perspective. The edge is thin but its depth is vast. I spent two days on the edge with a big group of my readers and life re-enterers last week. And we all stepped on our own edge. All of us. Life after loss requires discomfort. Making big decisions. Saying no to things you have been saying yes to. Leaving people behind. Ending relationships. Selling houses. Getting on planes. Speaking your truth. And we did it all. All of it. We were all on the edge together and somehow we got to stay on it longer than if we were standing on our own. I am in awe of everyone who put their feet next to mine and put it all on the line last week. The edge is not easy to walk on but once you do, you want to go back there. (Click to Tweet!) What is your edge? What are you afraid of doing? With love and edges, ChristinaRead More
My mind today is everywhere. Its raising. It’s quiet. Then its loud. Then it’s scared. It’s scared. A lot. So many of you travelled to be here with me for our Life Reentry weekend. And I want to give you the moon. The stars. The whole galaxy. Everything. Everything I am. And I will. My mind will try to tell me “what if you can’t Christina.” But I know I don’t need to be scared. You already have the stars inside of you. (Click to Tweet!) The moon also. You don’t need anything from me. And together we will be a whole galaxy in the next two days. Walking towards a new life after loss. With stars, Christina PS. NUTRI BULLET sponsored our event. They believe in living a beautiful and bold life after loss. Will be sharing pictures from the event on my Facebook page.Read More
I hide inside moments. I literally hide there. I am so afraid of change. Whenever something new is on its way to me, I hide inside time. Do you know why I created the Life Reentry® work? Because I needed it to get myself out of all the hiding I was doing. I am the master hider. The master waiting room resident. It’s not even that I am stuck but I like to hide from life, from big things, from new things. I still do. But I realized lately that I can’t be so afraid anymore. Hiding is a luxury I can no longer afford. Fear is something I must start to reject. (Click to Tweet!) I used to shake like a leaf when I would step on stage. I hated myself for saying yes to such big responsibilities and dreams. “What were you thinking?” “You should have been hiding Christina.” “I know, I know. I will hide better next time.” Next time I hid so well, I didn’t even know I was hiding. That is how I became masterful at it. Oh you have no idea how deceiving is my own waiting room. It has a whole life in it. The life inside the waiting room has me living an overweight life, a life inside possibly 2 miles radius. It is a life but not my life. Not the life my destiny has chosen for me. I am furious with myself for letting fear guide me inside of it all, even as I was climbing out. I was being ushered back in. Willingly. Yes. I let my fears take the lead. I didn’t try to stop them. Well, no more. I have learned that fear will occupy your brain like a drug addict. I realized that hiding is not for the living. I was killing myself and didn’t know it. I saw how easy it is to choose the wrong things. It is almost automatic. The wrong snack. The silly use of time. The lack of movement. The stagnation. At first it is a choice, but very quickly it becomes a default setting. Getting out of that is almost impossible. People have died there, inside the default. The waiting room. The not living. This letter is for you if you have been afraid, in hiding and in a default setting you don’t even remember choosing. And do you know when it all starts? When our heart has been so badly broken that hiding is a life savior. We think it is. And when we realize it never was, it is too late. Yesterday it was Bjarne’s 47th birthday. He only made it to his 35th. He would have been furious with me if he knew that I chose moments with no life in them. That I chose to hide instead of flying. No more. “Come to the edge," he said. "We can't, we're afraid!" they responded. "Come to the edge," he said. "We can't, We will fall!" they responded. "Come to the edge," he said. And so they came. And he pushed them. And they flew.” ― Guillaume Apollinaire May we fly. Christina, PS. Today we close registration for our out of towners. Come be with us. Let's all conquer our life after loss together. Arizona, June 1-2. REGISTER HERE: https://lifereentry.com/the-life-reentry-weekend/Read More
Christina’s strange but accurate weekly letter about life after loss.